Think of all the confidences we had shared over the years, the drunken insinuations of adultery, the confessions of boredom and dissatisfaction in Soho noodle bars. Would my red man, free from responsibility and consequences, decide to expose their secrets? El asked me about the red man every time I called home. We counted down to its arrival much as we had lain in bed speculating about our gestating daughter. There was no excitement about this new arrival. Only dread. From her perspective, a part of me had escaped from our relationship. ‘I’m all still here,’ I said. ‘I’m not going anywhere.’ El shook her head. ‘How am I meant to feel about all this? What exactly are you planning to do in the Monad without me?’ ‘I never wanted this but they did it to me anyway. I wanted to protect our intimacies, the decade of love and sex that was just between us.’ In an age of digital reproduction, a relationship loses its aura.
