Although I hoped to enjoy the story line of this book, I ended up being very disappointed. I work in the adoption field and fear that readers get a very wrong idea about what it's like to pursue an international adoption. The points I would like to make about this book are:~ families are never perfect and social workers shouldn't expect them to be, but they MUST be stable to adopt. Amongst the dynamics of the prospective adoptive families, there was adultery, substance abuse, partners who were only doing it to please their wives, unresolved infertility, a mother that couldn't accept a special needs daughter, a last minute pregnancy, unresolved grief and loss issues, etc. These are all issues that would have been massive red flags in the real adoptive world. An agency director having knowledge of these issues and encouraging applicants to move forward without addressing/resolving the issues fully - shouldn't be working in the field at all.~babies adopted internationally may appear "perfectly healthy" on record, but there is no assurance that there will not be any challenges going forward. Grief and loss issues (to varying extremes) are an absolute, and this wasn't mentioned a single time in the book. There is certainly full disclosure on known medical history, etc. but since an abandoned child's family history is almost entirely unknown - the child's future should be accepted as an unknown. Stable families open to adopting internationally should have been better educated on the possibilities, rather than being repeatedly assured that the babies were "healthy!, perfect!, adorable!," etc.~Home studies are conducted on prospective families and the way the book describes the process really downplays the service. If any changes occur in a household - an updated home study is required. Education for the family is a huge component to the home study. And, if either of these facts were mentioned, the story line would have played out completely different (& perhaps been more enjoyable for readers like me). ~ Finally, at the end, the agency director moves forward in a manner that is a total conflict of interest. A director shouldn't be using her own agency in this manner. She also would not be able to use an outdated home study to achieve her end goal. I could go on and on... but finding closure to unresolved grief issues over losing one child - by adopting another is also completely ridiculous. I don't want to entirely spoil the story for others... but, what occurred in this book would never be allowed in a true adoption scenario. This kind of story completely perpetuates the negative stigma attached to adoption. If you read this book, consider it to be a completely fictional tale. Please note: Many years ago, adoptions did evolve with less bureaucracy, monitoring, etc. However, this book was written in 2010. If you are a prospective adoptive family - please know that something is very very wrong if your adoption proceeds in a manner that resembles this story. I had heard of this book a few years ago, around the time when Charlie and I got married. I have always had mixed feelings about adoption because of my family's personal experience with it (equally good and bad), but when I married a Chinese man, the idea of someday adopting from China came up. I had very recently gotten out of the hospital after suffering an unexpected and nearly fatal pulmonary embolism (blood clots in both my lungs) at 23 years old, just weeks before my wedding. At the time, Charlie and I were scared of the complications that could potentially arise when mixing my new diagnosis with a potential pregnancy, and adoption seemed like a real possibility, something worth exploring and keeping on the table. For three years I meant to read The Red Thread, and for three years I never got around to it. At the beginning of this year, we lost our daughter to triploidy, a genetic anomaly, at 10 weeks, a miscarriage that left me reeling and struggling to find purchase in my life. Even as we tried frantically for another baby, I felt so helpless through the intervening months, every month not pregnant another failure. I found myself thinking again about adoption and this book, and I finally brought myself to go into the book store to purchase it. Just three days later, I found out that I was pregnant again. Now, halfway through our pregnancy with a healthy and robust baby boy, I remembered this book on the shelf and picked it back up.Having researched the current Chinese adoption process and new laws, I know that much has changed since this book was written, but the idea of a red thread that binds mother and child through all still resounds and strikes a chord with me. This is a beautifully written story of the hope and despair and joy that are often involved in the sometimes rocky journey to parenthood. The stories of the American families blessed by these beautiful little girls is uplifting, and I am reminded of the wonder of adoption. The tragic tales of the Chinese mothers forced to give up their daughters break my heart and make me so glad that China is finally changing it's one-child policy. While we are currently not considering adoption in the immediate future, it is never off the table for us, and I know that if that day does come, The Red Thread will be a book I am so glad to have read.
What do You think about The Red Thread (2011)?
A good read. I know some people do have red threads attached to them.
—anna757
