The gutter nearly trips me, I’m so desperate to get away. I’m choking, spitting clouds of breath, and not because of the running. A howl nearly forces its way past my lips and I have to bite hard to keep it down. The toilet and the blazing convenience store lurch into view. The light sears my eyeballs. They must be tapping. No one has that much legal electricity. I need darkness. I leave them alone for one minute and Ortolan has to tell Wildgirl every little detail of her life. Welcome shadows beckon on the next side street. The six memorial gardens are further along, down the slope that rolls all the way to the river. Orphanville sits to the right. The high-rise buildings are scattered with lights. My steps gradually slow until I find a vacant lot. I sit on gravel and clumps of dead grass, digging my fingers into the stones and feeling dirt clog under my fingernails. I’m motionless now but my insides still race. I drink the night air in, taking each breath down as deep as I can, trying not to shudder.
