I don’t stop to think, I just get ready quickly. I don’t even look at myself in the mirror. I don’t look at my butt. I just run around and fly out the door down the hall. I don’t look at Jake as he opens the door for me. I don’t look at him on the elevator ride down. I don’t look at him as he opens his car door for me. Or even when he gets in and drives away. I look at my hands instead. I look at my rings. Max would be very disappointed in me. That I missed the appointment. I meant to get up. I was even excited for today’s visit. First ultrasound. But facing this alone was too much. I laid down and tried to calm myself, rubbing my belly and telling baby that we’d be okay. I don’t believe this, but I hope the little bugger does. I must’ve fallen asleep. Mom went with me to the first prenatal visit. Dr. Patel was very kind, all of her staff were, offering condolences. I didn’t have to go through that alone at least.
