What He Must Be: If He Wants To Marry My Daughter (2009) - Plot & Excerpts
Among the many Christian books on family, courtship and fatherhood that I have read, I think this book has become one of my top five. While the book was intended to address fathers to encourage them to think biblically of what to look for in a man who wants to marry their daughter, nevertheless I think others can benefit from reading this book too such as single mothers evaluating those interested in their daughters, or the young man who want to become a godly husband in the future. A young woman who wants to understand her father’s responsibility in the area of courtship and Pastors who wishes to teach a biblical view of courtship to their church will also benefit from reading this work. The author Voddie Bauchman is a big advocate of a biblical view of family and has previously authored Family Driven Faith. I find the emphasis in the book on the role of parents and especially that of fathers in the courtship of young Christian couples to be refreshing since it seems as if many contemporary Christian books on courtship hasn’t explain as clearly as this one did of the role of fathers in their child’s courtship. Bauchman packs many practical advice and exhortation in this book that is biblical and wise. As a father of two young daughters both of whom are under three years old at the of this review, this book made me realized that I can’t be too early in thinking about and preparing my daughter for marriage (let me add the caveat that preparing and training them for marriage now doesn’t mean I’m gong to have them marry at this moment! I do think we must do so in a way that is age appropriate). I appreciate the opening chapter on the multigenerational vision in the Bible that goes beyond the topic of courtship and about the family, church and society. Bauchman uses his own background of broken family in the book to point to us the importance of doing family God’s way rather than what our society says. I also appreciated how the author skillfully went through some of the passages from the Bible that I have not thought of in connection to fathers and daughter’s relationship and the broader topic of courtship—he even navigated exceptionally well through Old Testament passages in which he acknowledges the original recipients were Jews while maintaining that there are some wise principles to gain from looking at them even when the civil force of these laws are currently not enforced. I also appreciate how Bauchman is realistic to realize the pool of godly candidates to marry our daughters are probably small and in chapter ten he gives us instruction of how, by the grace of God, we can go “build” godly men ourselves in the local church. Here we see the importance of making disciples of younger men by older men does have some earthly blessing.I won’t want to give away the whole book in this review. Looking at my book and seeing all the highlights reminds me there is many things I could have talked about. Go and get this book. Considered more objectively, this is a clear and foundational book on the topic (the topic being the intersection of manhood, courtship, and marriage). From my experience, though, there weren't many new insights (though there were some) since I have heard many of these points before. Also, not all of it was directly applicable to me, as it is primarily written for fathers, though I still learned from reading those parts. It was still worth reading and helpful."Every governor of a family ought to look upon himself as obliged to act in three capacities: as a prophet, to instruct; as a priest, to pray for and with; as a king, to govern, direct, and provide for them." -George Whitefield, quoted on page 139"Some thoughtful people have turned their own experiences into a fine and noble proverb and have said, 'Early to rise and early to take a wife a man will not regret throughout his life.' Why? Well, this mode of life makes for people who keep a healthy body, a good conscience, possessions, honor and friends." -Martin Luther, quoted on page 31
What do You think about What He Must Be: If He Wants To Marry My Daughter (2009)?
Challenged my inherited notions about dating, especially from the parental perspective.
—toriamasoe
At LEAST everybody 13 and up should read this. But especially dads and sons.
—ashley
