I love this book because it interposes the akward innocence of deep young love with the carnality of mature love. The book is summed up in this quote: "Was there, or could there ever be, he wondered then, and wonders now, a reconciliation between innocence and sexuality?" It does this by intertwining present day sex sessions with flashbacks to the intensity of young adolescent love in which every gesture and touch meant something. The book is about old innocent first lovers who meet again 31 years later. It is interesting because they seem to have been soul mates as kids. From their correspondence, they seem to have depth and an inquisitive nature that is not present in their lives with their respective spouse. In other words, they connect on a deeper level which I believe is a laudible goal. I think the unfaithfulness in their respective marriage comes from the fact that not only are they each others first loves but also they are tempermentally similar so they understand each other implicitly. Life with their current spouses seem to exist because of similar day-to-day experiences instead of a deeper connection with each other. Furthermore, I think infidelity in a marriage always start with seeds of discontent in ones relationship. The biggest seed of discontent in the book and marriage in general is financial. Without an external stressor such as finance, I think one can have contented marriage though not necessarily a happy one. This leads me to believe one has to choose ones spouse very carefully. Why not have both, a person that you connect with in depth and cement that with being with each other in your day-to-day experiences?I think this book is great because it explores the fine line between being in love and lusting after someone. I personally think being in love, lusting, and loving someone is a continuum that is not easily definable and I think the book shows this conitnuum. It is clear that these two adults are in love because of the obssessive thinking that occurs between both people, the illogical behavior that they do, the constant remembering of the past and the withdrawal symptoms of love when the person is not with their beloved. But it seems to me that once they started physically touching each other their mental/emotional love has turned into lust. So is it really being in love or lust? I think in their case it is being in love because it starts out with something mental/emotional toward the other person instead of their body parts (physcial attraction that usually occurs when one is lusting overs someone).I think the ending of the book is perfect because it exentuates the love found and lost of their teenage years. I also like the fact that it shows the real consequences to other people because of the infidelity that occurs. So far this leads me to a few conclusions about a successful marriage. A successful marriage has to start out with the spouses understanding the essence of the other and from that shared understanding create a life with shared goals that both are passionate about. Secondly, the couple must set a side time to rekindle the relationship separate from day-to-day worries. In other words, a periodic vacation to reconnect with each others essence and not worry about day-to-day affairs. Thirdly, it is vitally important to not allow any festering problems in the marriage that can cause a riff that can possibly lead to infidelity due to a mental/emotional disconnect. I think that takes is honest communication with each other.
I like Shreve's writings about loss and longing and relationships. Its funny, after reading other readers' reviews, I would not describe this as a romantic novel. I thought it was more about getting older and facing up to the life that you have made. Lives can feel empty. They become mundane, we take things for granted and a long term relationship suffers alongside all our personal longings and sense of loss.I also think that it captures the fantasy that's inherent in any extra-marital relationship. It is not what really happened that matters, it's what the people think that happened that fills the head and feeds the longings. An event becomes embellished, exaggerated and foolishly placed upon a pedestal.Every character here had some dissatisfaction with life. A sense of something missing and as often happens the grass can look so much greener on the other side. The irony is, grass grows where it is watered. A long standing marriage with cracks needs attention but instead adultery offers an immediate and exciting route away. However it is seldom thought through as in this novel and what we see is the way that adultery breaks people. Nobody is prepared for the guilt, "the tremulous drag of guilt, a line snagged with seaweed."Life can never be the same. "I am in disgrace now. Removed from a state of grace."
What do You think about Where Or When (2005)?
I have to put this one in the 'Hated it' category. It's truly one of the most terrible books I've ever read with the most selfish characters imaginable. It's about a couple who reunites after only knowing each other after meeting in a summer camp when they were 12. Supposedly, they "fell in love", but their continued love story which knows no bounds, not even the bonds of marriage, and is less about love and more about lust. You'll find more smut than the worst Harlequinn novel between the pages and not much more substance. Some of the smutty lines were SO awful, I read them to a friend who told me to stay out of the 99¢ paperback romances. It's basically a recognization, a meeting, a very disgusting affair, one of those "this will never work" epiphanies and then the book goes to crap from there. Just about every book by Anita Shreve revolves around people having affairs, and THIS is undoubtedly the worst of them all.
—Kelly
I have so many conflicting feelings about this book that I really hesitate to presume to write a review. In the first place: this is such a childish plot, it's more like a Nicholas Sparks book. Two people meet 30 years after they fell in love at camp and spent only one week together when they were age 14. Who does that in real life?!In the second place, this book is really an anachronism because so much of the communication is based on desperate letters sent by overnight mail and phone calls made from phone booths. I kept thinking how different the story might be if they had cell phones and face book and email. Yet it is not set in the distant past, just the recent past. So it gave me such an odd feeling, like I had lived through time travel somehow. Thirdly, I really hate and despise people who neglect or ignore their children because they are blinded by passion. I can't forgive them or find their romance romantic. I only find it selfish and despicable. But finally, this book was so disturbing that I found it hard to sleep the night I finished it, and though I kept thinking of all the reasons I didn't like it, I had to admit it was powerful. So, when a book can move your emotions and thoughts that much, you have to give credit where credit is due, regardless of whether you " like" it or not. Bravo, Anita Shreve.
—Judith
(*spoiler) Ok.... this book from the start didn't grab my attention. I felt it very hard to get into the book until at least half way through. Neither of the characters in this book are likeable. I realize this is a fictional novel but I found the story line to be completely unrealistic. I had an entirely different picture in my head about what this book was to be about (I don't read the backs of books because I want to have my own opinion about what the book is about) but I had the gist of what the book was going to be about. Having said that, I think if the characters in this book hadn't been 14, but a few years older, and their "relationship" didn't only last for one week at a camp then the story would have been more believable and probably a lot more interesting. The fact that they both left their husband/wife and children after 30+ years of not seeing each other and only knowing each other after a week at camp... It would just never happen. In fact, if I got a letter from someone I had only known for a week I'd think they were a serious creeper haha. The ending I felt was thrown together and didn't make a whole lot of sense too. Wasn't a "bad" book, but wasn't a great one.
—Diana Woodham
