And yet, deep down, she knew it did, and there was no escape from it. The hurt was so deep and all-encompassing that she was numb, unable even to cry. As the bedside clock ticked away the minutes she finally came out of her stupor and set the formal letter to one side. She reached for the diary it had fallen from and, after a shuddering breath for courage, began to read the entries for 1924. Gideon was in turmoil, for although Emmaline had put on a brave face and appeared to have come to terms with the terrible loss of their babies, he knew how much she was suffering. She never said a word to him about the pain she carried so bravely, but he could sense it in her quietness, and in the way she looked at him and sighed so sadly, clinging to his arm as they walked, as if she needed his strength to help her put one foot in front of the other. He became possessed by a terrible guilt, certain he had been the cause of her deep unhappiness, and it was at that point he’d decided to move out of their bedroom, not only to spare her from his all-too-human desires, but to suppress and control them in solitary prayer.
