It might also put heat back into her frigid bones, warm her core, make her feel new. After all, she couldn’t be Annalise Decker anymore. She’d have to find a new name. A new identity. But how could she erase the memory of her eleven-year-old holding on to her as he said good-bye today? Of reading to him at night, Henry tucked in the safety of her embrace? Or Colleen’s delicious smell, her amazing smile, the way she could crawl inside Annalise’s heart, even when she wanted to ground her daughter to her room for a year? Or Jason? Listening to him recite his lines, watching him strut around the family room like a real Romeo. He’d been the first of her babies to take her breath away. How would she forget Nathan? The taste of his lips against hers, the feel of his strong hand around her waist? She shivered under the heat of the shower and turned it off. Grabbed a towel. No, she could never be anyone but Annalise Decker. Her name might change, but her identity wouldn’t. She’d spent the past four hours or more staring at the cold fireplace, then the glow of the afternoon light on the lake, imagining what her family might be doing.
