They were cryptic remarks like “walk like your shoes don’t hurt.” Over the years since her death I have come to appreciate and understand them all. A grimace on your face only draws attention and does nothing to stop the pain.” Chapter 11 I spent a few hours tossing and turning that night until at last I sat up in exasperation. I shook my head, looked at my watch, and went padding downstairs to look for a few Benadryl to ease me back into the darkness. I swallowed them and took Mosey out in the moonlight hoping it would buy me time to sleep in if the capsules did their job. Mosey nudged me a few hours later than usual the next morning. A male I could depend on, I smiled, scratching him behind the ears. Smiling is good I thought. It tricks your brain into thinking you are happy, or so I heard once on NPR. It certainly wouldn’t make me feel worse. So I would smile; hell I might even laugh and by God as long as I had these terrible images of a faithless Ben coming at me like sniper fire I might even dance.
