The lights were on and the rental was parked outside, so I went in to the porch.I reached to knock on the door to the house.“Merry Christmas everybody!” I screamed and Karate kicked the predator into the porch wall. The interior light of the porch came on and I got a good look at my would-be attacker. It was an artificial pine tree with giant mechanical eyelids that whirled around, while its mouth noisily snapped open and closed as it talked. The middle section of needles spun around, shaking its ornaments like maracas to the beat of loud electronic music. “Quincy! What happened?”I jumped and spun around. I hadn’t heard the door open. My heart pounded and I thought I’d probably peed a little. “Eleanor. I’m so sorry! I didn’t know—I thought it was an attacker. I guess those self-defense classes Alex made me take kicked in.” I tried forcing a laugh to lighten the mood to no avail.“It’s Drew Spruce,” Eleanor said, not in the friendliest voice. She rushed past me to tend to poor Drew. “I just got him.”I heard laughter coming from the doorway. “That damned tree got what was coming to it. Way to go, Quincy.”“Jack, it’s not funny. What will we tell Alex?”
