Having lost my husband only a week -- only a week? -- ago, I have turned to several widows' memoirs in search of comfort, advice, and maybe even a little warning of the pitfalls of grief that await me. While I did find some of those things in this memoir, I also found a woman for whom I cannot feel anything but profound distaste. It wasn't merely her needless insertions of political diatribes, nor her claim to be appalled by racism yet her painstaking efforts to needlessly note the race of various hospital staff. In addition to those things, I found myself baffled by her claims to have had such a wonderful marriage and yet she acknowledged knowing little of her husband's past, had no respect for his religious background, had seldom shared he writing with him and knew very little of his, and hadn't even had for years the "courage" to let him know she didn't like some of the music he played in the house. What kind of a marriage was that?When I learned that she remarried only thirteen months after Ray's death -- a fact not ever addressed and only obliquely hinted at in the final page of the book -- I was appalled. All this gnashing of teeth, tearing of hair and skin, and then a race to a new relationship? It only confirmed, to my mind, at least, that JCO truly is weak-spirited, and any literary author too afraid to explore their own psyche is not one I care to further read. Oates book is a help for people like me who can't understand overwhelming grief, When her husband died at age 77 Oates was overcome by grief. At times I wanted to say "Get Over It." and yet her insight as to what it was like helped me to see someone else's world. Yes, it was definitely self-centered grief. Her honesty in talking about suicidal thoughts, how others didn't understand, and the overwhelming burden of paperwork, as well as well intentioned depression and sleeping medications was at times hard to read. I did relish the fact that she overcame her grief by turning to daily jobs, like continuing Ray's garden.
What do You think about A Widows Story (2000)?
I really enjoyed this book until about half way through when it became painfully repetitive.
—lilnash
I read this at a time when it hit way too close to home.
—leninabad89
