Autobiography Of A Fat Bride (2009) - Plot & Excerpts
Yesterday I had five months to finish getting my shit together, but this morning it transformed into a matter of hours.I thought that I might even need to speak to a chaplain.When it comes time to do it, I wanted to ask him, will it be painless? Will I feel anything? Will it be peaceful or will I suffer?Will I still be worrying that the ex-boyfriend and ex-girlfriend, respectively at tables six and fifteen, will end up slugging it out? Will anyone take a piss in public at the reception? Will anyone have sex at my wedding? Will my mother throw anyone out for having a potty mouth? Will my missing-in-action bridesmaid actually show up? How many guests are going to bring people who weren’t invited and where do I seat them? How big is the chance that I will burst into a molten lava menstrual flow as I walk down the aisle?Is he actually going to marry me?What happens if he dies within the next eleven days—do I have to send back all the gifts? Will any one of the waiters be somebody I’ve slept with in a past life?
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