What do You think about Baby Love: Choosing Motherhood After A Lifetime Of Ambivalence (2007)?
The sub-title to this book, "Choosing Motherhood After a Lifetime of Ambivalence" sounded really different and interesting to me. So many books on motherhood come from women who always wanted to be mothers, I was excited to read about another point of view and how it turned out. Unfortunately, I found it hard to identify with Walker as the book progressed, and found it hard to connect with her story. I am familiar with Rebecca Walker's "Third Wave" feminist anthologies, however I didn't realize that this was the same Rebecca Walker until she mentioned her mother - (which she does as soon as possible, on page 6 of the book) writer Alice Walker. I also didn't know that the two women were on bad terms. From the first mention of her mother in the opening pages to the last one on the last pages of the book, Walker's story is less about her "ambivalence" towards motherhood and more about her difficult relationship with her famous mother, and how it effects her own views on becoming a parent. Still an interesting story, but I found the constant griping about her mother to be tiresome and indulgent. It seemed less like Walker had an experience to share, and more like a score to settle, more like she wanted a space to air out details of this complicated mother-daughter relationship. Comments made by Walker in "Baby Love" might be upsetting to those in families with adopted children. The fourth chapter begins with her claiming that the love that people have for their non-biological children isn't "the same" as the love for their biological children. It would have been so much better if she had just said "it was different for ME", then gone to explain, but instead she takes her personal experience and applies it to all, which I found off-putting. Overall I would like to give this book 2.5 stars, but that's not an option, and I just can't give it three.
—Kate
To be totally honest I came to this book with some preconceived notions after reading several reviews of it. Overall I found it to be a little whiny and very self-absorbed. I was kind of fascinated to see her react to different peoples' take on things and opinions, about her life, about parenthood in general, etc. in a very knee-jerk way - a difference of opinion almost always seems to be taken as a challenge. She'll speak of the truth of others but utterly fail to recognize any kind of relativism in virtually any situation or statement. There were specific moments in the book where I was taken aback at moments which were mentioned but washed over. Once she's talking to a friend who decided not to have children. Walker quickly glosses over the fact that she's had several major illnesses and goes on to talk about how she wishes she could tell her friend that she is wrong. For Walker, there is no room apparently for physical barriers to pregnancy. This is further exacerbated by her assertion that one can not love an adopted child as much as one's own. Again, no acknowledgment that her truth might not be another's - this is posited as an point of absolution. There is another moment during a birthing class she attends with her male partner, where he asks "Where's the penis?...", after talking about vaginas, etc. the whole class. He is apparently looking for the inherently male role in the process. It has been said in some reviews that the author comes off as narcissistic in this book - based on this exchange I'd say her partner does as well. I'm a little concerned that the book does not come out to talk about feminism more explicitly. I feel that there is room for it. A little discussion in this vein would add some weight to an otherwise rather fluffy piece, but it does not occur. Instead we are left with a piece that looks, very much, as something that could be considered a post-feminist take on pregnancy and motherhood. I find this very, very unfortunate. The book was a disappointment.
—sarah
I think the subtitle of this book was a little misleading, the whole title is Baby Love: choosing motherhood after a lifetime of ambivalence. The subtitle made me think that basically after a lifetime of NOT wanting children the author suddenly changed her mind and did have a child. But, basically she always wanted children, but felt like she was not equipped to be a good mother and/or felt like she couldn't successfully "have it all". I have always felt like I didn't want to have kids, but occasionally wonder if I'll regret it one day (mostly I think about it since EVERYONE I know is having kids like it's going out of style). So, I guess I was hoping that this book would shed some light on my questions if the author was like me. But, she always wanted kids, but was kindof afraid to actually go through with it. Overall, the book was OK - all her freaking out about everything and the horrific birth definitely did NOT make me lean more toward wanting to have kids...but the writing was good and it was a fast read.
—Jessica
