that won them a couples talent show, I have never felt happier to be single. I have also never been more sorry to have ears and eyes – though even without those two senses, I reckon I’d smell the cheese and my skin would still crawl. ‘No jazz hands?’ I ask instead of joining in with the applause everyone else is giving them when they are finally finished. My teasing isn’t enough to faze the happy couple, who are beaming with pride at their routine. Belle and Nancy are in awe, but Mike looks just as disturbed as I am, he’s just polite enough to clap. ‘There is no moment a couple can share that is more intimate than singing together,’ Heather muses breathlessly. I go to raise my hand to suggest other things, but an amused Mike forces it back down. ‘Well, that was awesome,’ I lie, ‘the film, the dancing – everything. Sadly I need to go and call work. It can’t all be 24/7 fun, you know?’ My sister gives me a very brief dirty look, but no one else even acknowledges that I am leaving the room, apart from Mike who gives me a wave.
