I spent as much time as I could outside, walking in the park, watching the leaves change and fall from the trees. I tried to take comfort in the little things in life. I hadn’t taken pictures in a while, so I bought myself a camera and started taking as many as I could of everyday things, and then I redecorated my apartment with them. Things got normal again, or as normal as they could be. I was still writing Fin letters, and I had to keep putting them in bigger and bigger boxes. I almost had enough for a novel. But writing to Fin that way helped me get out all the bad thoughts in my head. I was afraid if I didn’t write them down, they’d destroy me. That was my biggest fear when I woke up in the middle of the night, feeling like I was falling. One afternoon I found myself in a cab, driving past Fin’s apartment. Part of me almost asked him to stop the car and let me out. But we kept heading back to my place. I’d had a ton of work to do at the library, so I’d brought my rolling book cart, and I didn’t have the energy to wheel it back to my apartment.
What do You think about Deep Surrendering: Episode Nine?
