Happily, it doesn’t seem too difficult. Remember, these notes are only a basic guide. You’ll also have to employ a good publicist. Procrastinate. This is an essential part of the writing game. There’s nothing like commencing a novel to make housework appear a joy. Just sitting down and typing the words ‘Chapter One’ can make tackling last night’s washing-up look very attractive. Hanging out the laundry becomes a task that has to be done this very minute. Ditto cleaning out the bits of rice and meat stuck in the kitchen-sink strainer. Certainly it took Flaubert seven years to write Sentimental Education, but you should have seen his shower recess by the end of it. Absolutely sparkling. Procrastinate some more. Having written your first sentence, sit back and marvel at its poise, economy and limpid intensity. Spend the next three hours mentally rehearsing your acceptance speech for the Nobel Prize for Literature. Be sure to decide who to thank, and who to rather pointedly leave out.
