He’d lived alone since college, but he’d never felt so completely isolated before. There was a dangerous comfort back then in knowing he could just head over to Russ and Carrie’s place, and then a different kind of comfort once it had become just Russ’s place. It wasn’t an option now, and he knew he had no one to blame for that but himself. It wasn’t just the appointment. This whole plan was predicated by a selfish desire; he knew that now. And for a short while, he’d been able to live that desire far more than he ever would have imagined. He’d gotten a taste of what having Russ to himself might be like, but he knew he would never be completely satisfied until it was real. And he couldn’t ask for that. Whatever this was to Russ, it was temporary. A brief period of discovery, after which he’d move on with his life. Find some nice woman to settle down with; someone who could be a great mom to Ryan. Someone who was everything Jake couldn’t be.
