Okay, so some of the girls asked that I do a review of the Anita Blake series because I mentioned some things that intrigued them.It's not a finished series and usually I would reserve judgment on a series until it comes to its conclusion just in case the author was going somewhere I wasn't expecting.Kind of like that scene out of Austin Powers where Austin's in the bathroom stall with a bad guy and a big Texan man is in the next stall and can only see Austin's feet. He hears Austin Powers grunting as he fights the guy, saying, "Who does Number 2 work for?"The Texan guy, thinking that Austin is taking a crap, decides to pitch in and give encouragement to someone who is obviously struggling. "That's right! Show that turd who's boss!"Well, that's what reading Anita Blake is like. You're sitting in the next stall with someone who, nine or so books ago you thought was really nice and normal. Suddenly they start to struggle and you want to be encouraging, or you want to tell them to give up, take a laxative and come back later. The thing is, at first you're wary to because maybe something else is going on. Maybe a brilliant struggle for life and death is happening but you just can't see it. Maybe at the end of the series, you're going to come out, see what's left over in the stall and proudly proclaim:Jesus Christ, what did you eat?The first 10 books are filled with mystery and intrigue. They've got great characters and really interesting storylines. They've got action. DAMN have they got action! Obsidian Butterfly, in my opinion, the last good book is such a thriller in so many ways. They're a little bit sexy and you find yourself wishing a little more sexy would come your way because it's kind of really hawt.But then something happens after book 10. It happens so quickly that you're kind of in a headspin, looking around going, "Am I still reading the right series? Have they printed a different book under the same name?"Because suddenly, they're no longer mysteries. There's no longer any real edge-of-your-seat suspense. Suddenly, you think you're going to go a little crazy if you read another freakin' sex scene. Suddenly the writing is so poor, so transparent! The characters are so unlikable and so unrelatable that they might as well be from another galaxy.You're just walking along one day, admiring the view, when suddenly - OH CRAP! ANITA JUST HAD SEX WITH A WERELEOPARD IN ANIMAL FORM!!!!You're minding you're own business, enjoying a cup of coffee when - FUCK! SHE JUST HAD A THREE WAY WITH TWO MEN! ANALSEXANALSEXANALSEX!!!You were about to get ready for work when, out of nowhere - CROTCHBUCKETS! SHE'S JUST HAD A MASSIVE GROUP ORGY AND BEEN 'SPITTED' BY TWO MEN! FAAARK!!!Then you wonder if you can still walk into a church after reading these books. They become so appallingly bad that you wear them like a badge of pride. "Oh, you think THAT book is shocking? Has she ever had sex with an animal while a whole room full of people look on?" "Oh! You think THAT'S shocking? Did that character ever have seven consecutive boyfriends and nine casual fucks at the same time?" "Really? That character is THAT powerful? Did they ever defeat an evil villain with the power of their crotch alone?"Speaking of which, this is one of the major, MAJOR flaws of Anita Blake. Her Cooter. The Crotch of Doom as some of the girls call it. Almost every man she comes across, she has to sleep with. And then he loves her. He's addicted to her. He can't get enough of her. It's ridiculous. That girl had better have a TV screen in her forehead, beer leaking from her nipples and a bellybutton that dispenses sandwiches. Otherwise I just ain' buyin' it!She amasses power like it's spare change. She goes from being a powerful animator of zombies, to a necromancer who can control ALL dead things (including vampires), as well as being a lupa (Queen of the Werewolves, Namira-Ra (Queen of the wereleopards) having six strains of were in her but none of the downsides like actually changing. She becomes a succubus. She is a human servant part of a powerful Triumvate. Then she makes her OWN triumvate with her own Vampire to call and an animal to call. It's just RIDICULOUS! You're wondering where it stops!This stops her from having any character growth. I thought Anita Blake's flaws were going to be dealt with at some point. I thought her pride, arrogance, lack of impulse control, insecurities etc were going to be addressed through circumstances and a learning curve. No. She just becomes so powerful that it doesn't matter anymore.And the books are just basically sex. That's all that happens. Everyone has sex. All the time. And then they all argue. A lot. Anita wears a skirt, so three out of seven of her boyfriends take issue with that and then argue with Anita and amongst themselves. Anita chips a nail, so at least five of her boyfriends go mental and start blaming each other.I really don't know why this mess continues. It's beyond ridiculous. I think LKH just wants to see how much she can shock us now. What more can she do to play with our heads? So Anita has brain sex with another woman. So Anita has sex with a sixteen year old. It doesn't matter anymore. In the end, Anita never takes responsibility for ANY of it. She never really sits down and says: "Regardless of everything - I want to be with THIS person and THAT person. I want to do THESE crazy sex acts because that would get me hawt. Then I want to try it with five men at once."No. It's always the situation. She's always "made" to do it. This makes me lose so much respect for both the character and LKH. You want fantasy smut in your story? Fine. Put it in there. But don't make it so that the character never CHOOSES the fantasy smut. Don't make it so that each and every time, the character is forced by circumstances to do these crazy, smutty things. WTH?And lastly, don't push feminist bullshit down our throats when every other woman in this series is either a bitch, psycho, cow or pathetically weak! If Anita was a real woman than she'd stand up to a little damn competition. Instead she fights with every other woman around like it's some kind of damn pissing competition. I kept thinking that maybe LKH was behind that stall, doing something that didn't seem apparent to me. From what I could see so far, she was struggling to get something out. I kept wanting to yell at her for it, but then I thought, maybe there's something epic happening. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's just because I can't see enough from my stall in the bathroom of life.No, my friends. In this instance, she's not wrestling a man into a toilet bowl for information. She's not leading us through some epic, well thought out drama that's going to unfold brilliantly if we just hang on and keep reading. She's just shitting with us. Well and truly, and enjoying the money we pay her for the pleasure of reading this crap.
Anita Blake has been given an assignment: find out who's killing the vampires. At first, she refuses, but when the Master of the City, Nikolaos, demands something, Anita learns that "no" isn't an answer.I saw "Blade Runner" for the first time just last year--mostly to see Harrison "Han Solo/Indiana Jones" Ford but partly because of its status as epic scifi movie. I'll be honest...it wasn't a bad movie, but it wasn't all that amazing either. Sure the effects were great (better than seeing loads of CGI), but the whole thing felt very "eh" to me.And that got me to thinking about this little thing on TVTropes.org called Seinfield is Unfunny (I recommend going there AFTER reading my whole review, else you'll be there for the rest of the week). It's that thing where so much has been changed by this one particular THING that when a younger person sees the original, they go, "Eh, so overdone!" only, when that THING came out, it was new and brilliant and original.I think you can see where I am going with this. I am sure that when "Guilty Pleasures" first came out back in the 90's, everyone was pumped. I mean, there weren't nearly as many vampire novels, and to have a vampire novel where the girl chewed bubblegum and kicked @ss? Definitely not something you saw every day.Only now, in 2012, this has been done TO DEATH. Vampires are so blase, it is a struggle for a new author to lend anything new to them. Kick @ss female main characters are a dime a dozen (well, when they aren't torn between choosing one of their two beaus). And detective stories set in an urban fantasy landscape? I'm sure those who love Urban Fantasy can list several right off the tops of their heads.So that definitely affected my opinion of Guilty Pleasures. By why 2 stars instead of 3?I actually read and reviewed the graphic novel of this book before I read the novel. And one of my complaints was:"The story was nearly incomprehensible to me. It seemed to jump all over the place."I thought that by reading the novel, a lot of my confusion about the plot would clear up. And while yes, the novel DID clear up a great many things, a LOT of stuff happens that I have no idea why. Why does Nikolaos want Anita to find the vampire murderers so bad? There is NO ONE else in the city that would investigate this? And why does Nikolaos spend SO MUCH TIME threatening Anita with death? (What is up with throwing Anita into the wererat den? Did I miss something?) Doesn't she realize that Anita can't investigate murders when she is at knife- or gun-point? Why does she send Philip to Anita? Why doesn't she just have Philip investigate--he seems to know more about the murders than Anita. Why does Anita return to Nikolaos' lair when she found out who the killer is? Why does Anita not do any real investigating until almost the halfway point? I wish I were joking about that last bit, but Anita gets captured and beat up THREE TIMES before she finally starts to investigate--and when she DOES start to investigate, it's to call up Ronnie, who seems to do more of the dirty work than Anita. And the end battle is confusing, confusing, confusing!Reading the novel also did not change my opinion of Anita herself that much. That woman needs to go to anger management. She was constantly swearing about something, but seemed to produce very little results. She has an ENORMOUS chip on her shoulder and seems to think she is REALLY AWESOME. If she were my friend...yeah, well, that probably wouldn't happen. I couldn't stand to be around a woman like that for very long.Jean-Claude was a bit silly if you ask me. His obsession with Anita (while nowhere near Edward-stalker creepy) just seemed odd. Though I can see where a lot of people might like him. He does exude sexuality and he and Anita do legitimately have chemistry.The one character I ADORED was Ronnie. THAT was a woman who would be my friend. She kicked @ss! She was a great friend, dependable, caring, and stalwart.The writing was pretty mediocre. It wasn't horrible, but it certainly wasn't the most sterling I've ever read. And I think having it told in first person, as if Anita were talking to a friend ALMOST made it more annoying.I actually listened to this on audiobook...and the narrator made me hate Anita EVEN MORE. She affected this SUPER SNOTTY voice that made me want to drive a nail into my hand. The way she had Anita scream words, swear, or say "Riiiiight" (Anita saying that so much drove me bonkers--made me think Anita thinks she is VERY clever and funny)...GAH!I'm kinda glad I finally got to read/listen to the novel. It kinda affirmed my opinion of the graphic novel (I have a hard time with graphic novels, honestly) and has cut down one Urban Fantasy series that I want to keep up on. Well, I'm actually going to be VERY generous to this series and try Book 2, in hopes that some of the problems get cleared up. But three strikes and yer out!
What do You think about Guilty Pleasures (2004)?
All of Ms. Hamilton's books have erotic undertones, but this is toward the beginning of the series, before those undertones turned into overtones, sidewaystones, diagonaltones, and all those other tones that we can't discuss in polite society. At this point and through book six or seven, you can still call them action novels, rather than "action" novels, at which point you're just turning the pages thinking MY GOD, WHAT A HORNBALL THIS WOMAN IS.Anyway, if you like the supernatural and action heroines (read 'babes with guns'), and don't mind a few (read 'dozens of') bloody scenes, there's something about a French vampire, a lesbian werewolf, and a 5'3" heroine that I found captivating. Give it a try if you're in the mood.
—Anna
I finally got around to reading Guilty Pleasures, the first Anita Blake book, and can at least see why they're not in the Romance section: it's gory and the author doesn't seem to like vampires at all.I know Hamilton's very well established and has a huge fan base, and I know there are lots of other people who don't like her books, so I feel pretty confident I'm not going to get lynched by saying I'm glad I only spent $2 on this book.I really didn't like it. This is partly because I was so often confused, partly because I was very bored, and partly because there's simply no one to like in this book. I didn't like Anita, I was very distracted by the way she dresses and the things she thinks about; I didn't like any of the humans or other characters; the vampires were portrayed in the non-romantic cliche way (as opposed to the romantic cliche), and I didn't like all the guns. The plot is slow and dull and Anita misses some glaringly obvious things - and doesn't ask very good questions. There were many scenes where I kept thinking "What the hell is going on?" It often didn't make much sense to me at all and seemed to contradict itself, and I am not a stupid person. It's like, during the rewrite stage, things got cut out that should have stayed. Also, what the hell is a "hubba hubba" motion with your hand supposed to look like?? I have never skimmed a book like I did with Guilty Pleasures. Jean-Claude was intriguing but hardly in it at all, and I didn't start properly reading it again until the end. I don't like skimming, I never usually do it, and it's a very bad sign if I do. It gets two stars for Jean-Claude and the interesting thing about not being able to properly envision or understand a character until you get to see their eyes.
—Shannon (Giraffe Days)
This book. I loved it the first few times I read it. And then. Not so much. I blame reading Fever right before. Also. There was something. I could not quite put my finger on. At first. What was it? The writing style. Everything was fragmented sentences. And strangely formal speech. Instead of I’m, we get I am. Instead of I’d, we get I would. Every. Time. Even when it does not fit. It is like LKH has not yet met an apostrophe. I am one of those people, you know the ones.Once I see something, hear something, NOTICE something like that, I cannot un-notice it. I’ll stop with the annoying fragments and the non-apostrophes now as I can’t even bring myself to write them for an extended period of time, let alone force anyone to read them…unlike someone else I could mention.Okay, in all seriousness, don’t do what I did. Don’t read this book after reading Fever because you’ll be trying to absorb descriptions of Jean Claude and then the Jericho Barrons that’s taken up residence in your head will look out through your eyes and laugh before giving you a heart-stopping look of possession that makes you want to spike this book on the ground and flounce back over to Barrons Books and Baubles for a quickie. To be blunt, Jean Claude seems like a total wuss compared to JZB (I know, I know, who doesn’t?). The dude wears lace-trimmed shirts and tight leather pants tucked into hooker boots, which would be fine (maybe) if I hadn’t just read about a man that hasn’t fully pulled himself out of the primordial ooze and could murder JC and his entire city. While smiling. And then we have Anita. What a biased, narrow-minded, holier-than-thou misogynist. Her fashion decisions will make you silently long for Mac’s lengthy descriptions of her pastel colored outfits and the affinity she feels for others of her own sex. I really didn't like Anita this time around. But if I remember correctly, she does get better as the series progresses. That is until it all starts to unravel around book ten or so. I still liked all the blood and guts and the fact that vampires were vampires, not the glittery kind, the monstrous kind. I still enjoyed the plot and Anita’s necromancing. I really enjoyed the flawless world building. Still, I think I’m going to wait to read the next until after I successfully manage to burn the memory of Barrons from my mind. FML. (view spoiler)[GROUP READ!Victims Volunteers:1. ME!2. Alisa3. Anna4. Ellis5. Joanna6. JennyJen7. Beth8. Brandi9. Ally10. Faye11. Georgette12. Angela13. Seaskew14. Cinward15. Haven16. Sharon17. Barbara18. Kitty19. Khanh20. Sherill21. Penny (hide spoiler)]
—Navessa
