I don’t think anybody needs help in figuring out how to be lost, but at one point or another we may need help figuring out how to be found, or how to find ourselves. Amanda Eyre Ward’s book, How to Be Lost, is the story of a woman in search of her lost sister who eventually finds herself. Caroline Winters in the oldest of three sisters. She and her younger sisters live a seemingly charmed life in New York. The family lives in a beautiful home in an expensive neighborhood, but behind the closed front door is an alcoholic father and a self-absorbed mother. Caroline, Madeline and little Ellie live in fear of their father’s rages. Their mother, Isabelle, lost in her own world isn’t there for them, so they decide to make a better life for themselves and run away to New Orleans. On the day of their departure, Caroline and Madeline go to pick up Ellie from school, only to find that she has disappeared. Fifteen years later, the fragments of this family still have not recovered from Ellie’s disappearance. She has not been found – alive or dead, and her mysterious disappearance is a gaping hole in the soul of this family. Mr. Winters has long since died. Isabelle lives a fa�ade of a life, throwing parties, wearing beautiful clothing, drinking too much and always searching for her missing daughter. Madeline has married and has moved to New York City. Caroline has given up her dream of being a pianist and has moved to New Orleans. She works as a cocktail waitress in a shabby club, drinks too much, avoids relationships, and distances herself from her mother and sister. The three Winters women each carries guilt over Ellie’s disappearance. Each believes that it is somehow her fault. Madeline, expecting her first baby, wants to put Ellie’s memory to rest, and declare her sister dead, but Isabelle and Caroline can not give up hope. When Isabelle is killed in a car accident on New Years Eve, Caroline decides to search for Ellie. Following a lead from a photo in People Magazine, Caroline heads off to Montana in search of her baby sister. The story that follows is somewhat outrageous - filled with convenient coincidence and a sometimes outlandish plot. Despite this, Ms. Ward has written a compelling novel. While parts of the plot are not believable, all of the characters are. The novel kept me turning the pages, not because I wanted to know what happened next, but because I wanted to see the growth in the characters. A bit mystery, a bit romance, a bit coming of age novel; this book is satisfying. Ward weaves together an ending that doesn’t tell us if and how the characters live happily ever after, but which lets us feel the healing process that they experience. I very much enjoyed reading this book, and despite its faults, I highly recommend it.
This is my first review on Goodreads so I hope it goes well - the standard is so high. Here goes...Such an evocative word 'lost'. Gone, mislaid, a state of being no longer attainable, forgotten. A litttle girl is lost but her mum is also lost- in a different way. So are her sisters. How to be Lost has a compelling idea at its core- but the unfolding story never quite matches the promise. Five year old Ellie disappears in unexplained circumstances and Amanada Eyre Ward examines the profound and continuing effect of this event on the lives of Ellie's sisters Caroline and Madeline and mother Isobelle. Is Ellie alive? Will Caroline find her? If she is alive will Ellie want to be found? These questions are all answered one way or another. The story begins promisingly - New Orleans cocktail waitress Caroline (no mean drinker) tries to wheedle out of spending Christmas with her mother (a tippler) in New York. She fails of course. We then learn that Madeline wants Ellie formally declared dead. Her mother and Caroline cling to belief Ellie is still alive. A photo in a magazine convinces them this is a the case. Caroline embarks on an odyssey to find her lost sister...in Montana. This is where the story loses traction and becomes peopled with odd, bad road movie characters, who are not very compelling, and Agnes, whom we meet through her correspondence with Hunks of Alaska. The device features so strongly we have to assume that Agnes is a significant character.There are many ways to be lost- in the past, by failing to live up to your early promise, by moving across the country to get away from your family, being in an unhappy marriage, living in Montana. How to be Lost touches upon each of these, not always convincingly. Sometimes sentimental, sometimes satirical, the tone shifts unconvincingly at times. The ending, after the tale meanders for a while, is quite sudden, but neat, and leaves us to speculate about how the relationships will develop. This is a nice touch.
What do You think about How To Be Lost (2005)?
I really enjoyed this book, although it was not a particularly happy story. I liked the fact that the main character, Caroline, was able to go from being a messed up person to being well on her way to being a "normal" person who can enjoy life.The book starts out with the story of three sisters, Caroline, Madeline, and Ellie, and their dysfunctional parents (alcoholic Dad, living in the past Mom) living in a wealthy suburb of New York City. We read through the tragedies, and how nice houses can hide bad stories. The main topic of the story is the disappearance of Ellie at age five, and how his affects the sisters and their mother.Amanda Eyre Ward writes great stories, and this one was fabulously intertwined. I was not able to guess what was going to happen. I enjoy characters who are messed up because of what happened in their families, and Caroline is a great example of this. Although it seems as if Madeline has a more "normal" life, I think that Caroline will end up enjoying hers more. And, what exactly did happen to Ellie? Read this and find out!
—Raine
So, I feel bad giving this a 2 star rating, because it wasn't a bad book. But the wording was pretty accurate that "It was ok." I think of that as similar to "It wasn't bad." I really feel that someone else might enjoy it a lot more because rather than a kidnapping story it's a story about the main character's relationships with her family and those around her after her sister's loss. However, I don't feel that point was driven home cleverly enough. In her journey to find her sister she encounters others who are lost like her sister (but both are runaways), but who don't want to be found. They have a life for themselves they seem okay with. These are foiled to herself and her immediate family who are also in a sense "lost" from each other but who desperately need each other and are waiting to be found. The ending is a mystery and I wish the book had been more about finding her sister because it ends on a cliffhanger, but that's not really the author's point. I think I wanted the firm conclusion that everyone had been found in their own way but it ends just before we find that out.PS, there is some use of strong profanity and there are two sex scenes, though mild.
—Laura
My copy of Amanda Eyre Ward’s novel How To Be Lost came with an unusual guarantee: the publisher promised to refund your money if you didn’t like it as much as The Lovely Bones. I suppose at the time of its publication, comparison to the juggernaut that was The Lovely Bones would seem like high praise indeed. But I won’t be writing to collect my refund, thanks very much. I loved How To Be Lost and, in fact, I think I liked it even more than The Lovely Bones which, in my opinion, started off with a bang and ended with a whimper.Ward’s novel concerns the Winters family, specifically the Winters daughters: Caroline, Madeline and Ellie. We meet the eldest, Caroline, first. She’s a hard-drinking cocktail waitress in New Orleans trying to figure out how she’s going to tell her mother, Isabelle, that she’s not coming home for Christmas.Home isn’t a happy place for Caroline. Home brings back horrible memories of her alcoholic father, her miserable mother and the disappearance of her youngest sister, Ellie. Still, duty calls.It’s on this visit home that Caroline’s mother shows her a picture in a People magazine. As soon as Caroline sees it, she knows. It’s her baby sister.How To Be Lost really is a story about people trying to find their way in both extraordinary circumstances (a potential love interest for Caroline has lost his wife in the 9/11 attacks and he is trying to move on with his life) and mundane circumstances (the novel is peopled with characters who spend their lives hunched over beer or whiskey in a variety of scummy bars).Some people don’t like first person narrative, but I do, especially if the narrator is honest. Caroline is self-destructive and selfish and afraid. Her journey to find the woman in the picture is ill-advised and necessary because by making the journey she is making her first real attempt to leave the past behind.One of the things I hated most about The Lovely Bones was Sebold’s decision to flash forward into the future. That rarely works for me. Ward doesn’t do this. Her ending, if anything, is a dangling thread. Her ending, for me, was perfect.This is a gem of a book.
—Christie
