Çivisi Çıkmış Boklu Dünyanın Azgın Pompacıları (2012) - Plot & Excerpts
CRAZY SHITTING PLANET Partly eponymous and the best of the three stories contained within this volume. This is only my second foray into the world of bizarro and therefore I am still something of a novice when it comes to this genre. I am seeing certain core themes reoccurring though and marauding mutant genitalia does seem to be a particular bizarro favourite. this final installment is another compact and bijou novella detailing a world where it rains shit and there has been some sort of craptastrofy... ... a crapaclysm. ..a fecal er fatal event .For me this palatable selection was a bit like one of the meals that my mother used to cook when I was a kid. There were bits I liked, bits I didn't like and bits that I wanted to shove under the table and give to the dog. Crazy shitting planet is the bit I would keep till last, like chips or soya beans- yum; Monster Cocks would form the mainstay of the meal and I'd eat it uncomplainingly but generally be wishing that this existed in a lesser ratio than the chips or soya beans (yes I did just use an oral ingestion reference and the phrase monster cock in the same sentence) and unfortunately I'd have to give Journey to the center of Agnes Cuddlebottom to the dog.JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF AGNES CUDDLEBOTTOM This is Journey to the Center of the Earth by Jules Verne but instead of geology you have anatomy. "You should give your man the ass. Because once he knows he can have the ass he won't keep requesting it." These words of sexual sagicity were not offered forth from my mouth, but from the mouth of Marcie, one of the principal characters in hit TV show, Californication. In Journey to the Center of Agnes Cuddlebottom, everybody wants the ass. There are TV crews in ass, a cement truck in the ass, media centres in the ass, a Starbucks franchise (ok its only a kiosk but still!) in the ass and a whole host of realtors, doctors and even a chimp called Jojo. "And what are they doing there?" I hear you ask. Well aside from drinking Starbucks and eating bananas they are collectively part of the rescue attempt to save Agnes Cuddlebottom from a mysterious blockage which thus far has baffled top scientists."And who is Agnes Cuddlebottom and why does she deserve saving?" I hear you cry. Well, she's an 80 year old retired prostitute with a jilted crack habit. Why she deserves saving is not up for discussion. "This is sounding crowded! How did all these people fit in the ass?" I hear you demanding to know. Well, a clever man invented a way of making everyone teeny small so that much like lubricated nanobots, people can be inserted into other people in order to cure diseases and set up franchises. Inner space is the new outer space apparently. "And how small is small?" Well, on an approximate scale the people inside Agnes Cuddlebottom are the equivalent size of a tic tac inserted into a Tyranosaurus Rex."How do you know that SM1?" I don't. I just made it up."And why the back door? Surely the mouth would be a much better place to start - like going down hill? "Yes but it wouldn't be as bizarre and this is bizarro after all.MONSTER COCKSI'd like to start this review by pointing out that every time I click on a bizarro novel and links to other bizarro novels appear I am again shocked, yes shocked to my very prim core that there is a book in print called Ass Goblins of Auschwitz. But that is just an aside and has nothing to do with the matter in hand, or rather the cock in fist because this is a review of the first novella in Mykle Hansen's triumvirate of weird, The Rampaging Fuckers of Everything on the Crazy Shitting Planet of the Vomit Atmosphere. Firstly I'd like to personally thank the author for giving the book a title which is most likely to get me banned from any and all internet or computer access at work. I actually had to change my contact email address before I wrote this review for fear that comments relating to Monster Cocks might cum come gushing and spurting into my works email account. That would only be bad. Although it might shake the IT guys up a little and every computer nerd needs a little cage rattling now and again if only to disengage them from Second Life and internet porn and whatnot (sorry nerdy men I heart you really).Men, this is a lesson for you all. Man mistreats cock by pumping it full of biggening juice, cock develops personality, runs rampage and destroys an office block and where your manly pride and joy was once lodged you now have a cavernous groin crater. No one wants that. So don't mess with what nature gave you. Or, perhaps to create an even more bizarro scenario you could all stop trying to enlarge your cocks and get a brain enlarger instead because that would be a real surprise. ******* no men were tortured during the making of this review******** Rampaging F’ers is a compilation of three short stories by bizarro genre writer Mykle Hansen.I had read several reviews that likened Hansen to Christopher Moore, one of my favorite authors. After finishing this book, there really is no comparision. Where Moore is witty, smart and sardonic Hansen is simply freakish. There is no display of any literary technique or mastery on Hansen’s part. His writing is simply a string on non-sequiturs with each trying to be more gross or shocking than the last.The second story, Agnes Cuddlebottom, had a few glimmers of promise. I did chuckle a bit and the author’s use of a series of news broadcasts and transcripts to tell the story made it seem like an event unfolding in real-time. That was a fresh approach and I’ll give him points for effort.I’m not a prude in any sense of the word. I enjoy sophomoric “potty humor” as much as the next guy, but this was over the top. I’m glad I tried something in the bizarro genre, but if Hansen is a fair representation of its content, then I think I’ve had my fill.
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