I was disappointed that he wasn’t planning my day, telling me what we were doing. It almost felt like he didn’t care enough to take care of me. I know that sounds pathetic, and never before did I expect anyone to plan my days. In all the time I was with Jim, or any boyfriend in the past, I never would have expected him to map out a weekend. But I did with Sir, and even this early on I realized how nice it was to have someone take complete control. Or, at least I didn’t realize what it meant yet to give it all up completely. I took advantage of my time and went for a long run on the beach. After the dog scenario the night before, there wasn’t any more sex or play. I wasn’t sure if that was punishment or what. But that too was disappointing. I really, really wanted him, yet I felt it wasn’t my place to make an advance. It was obvious that I bought into the notion that he controlled me. I don’t know what would have happened if I had made a move, but somehow, I just knew that I shouldn’t.
