Let’s face it. Santa pulls one hell of a one-nighter. Is this really fair? What if he didn’t have to service all the bad kids, too? Forget the token lump of coal. He uses up a lot more energy just getting up and down the chimneys of the same brats who make you wince whenever you’re stuck behind them in a fast food line. You know the ones. They’re always begging their moms for something she doesn’t feel they deserve (and she’s probably right). And then, when she breaks down and gives it to them, they whine that it’s not really what they wanted. Makes you want to slap their pictures on a carton of condoms under the headline, “Think Before You Procreate!” But I digress. There needs to be a new definition for naughty. It shouldn’t include a trip to Toys’R’Us for at least a year: between December 26th of this year, and December 27th of the following one. It means following through on parental threats. It means no more Santa. There. I’ve gotten it out of my system.
