Dear Tom (a.k.a. King Dork, Chi-Mo, Henderpig, etc.) -Yesterday, my son turned 15. He requested books for his birthday, and I picked this one up at the University Bookstore in Seattle. I thought maybe the two of you would have something in common - you're contemporaries, both learning how to survive the modern American public high school experience. But wow - I am so glad I read your story before wrapping it up and handing it over. 'Cause it turns out you are not an influence I want in his life. You started out with some promise. You seem like an interesting, complicated guy. I'm really curious about your dad - what kind of a guy was he? What was he like when he was your age? And how did he really die? Was it an accident, suicide, murder? When you started finding secret codes in the margins of his old paperbacks, I was intrigued. Of course that kind of trailed off, and you left me hanging there at the end, never really resolving this mystery satisfactorily. But hey, I guess life's like that sometimes; we don't always get all the answers we want. And I know how it is - you got distracted by the more immediate things around you. And let's face it: you've got a lot to deal with. My heart goes out to you as you try to deal with that whole awful high school social scene: drama hippies, social outcasts, vicious bullies, your strange, lascivious, sadistic Vice-Principal. I'm so sorry you have to go through all that. At least you have that one friend, and the band you two have been trying to put together. Let me commend the two of you; while you're short on musical talent and you show a staggering deficit of judgment in your lyrics & choice of performance venues, you're quite creative when it comes to generating possible band names and bizarre album cover art. But listen, Tom, you and I really need to talk. And yes, it's the talk 15-year old boys don't really want to have with their moms. And even less with somebody else's mom. But here goes: we need to talk about sex. First of all, I'm just going to come out and state my very strong bias: I believe everybody in the world would be better off saving sex for a happy, loving marriage, and I would be really pleased to see all pre-marital and extra-marital sex come to a complete halt. Seriously, I know that makes me a ridiculously old-fashioned, fuddy-duddy old fogey. But I can't seem to get hip with the times, and rejoice with you over these weekly sessions with girls that you barely know. I know, I know, you're all filled with those crazy teen-age hormones, and it's hard for you to think past the excitement of some momentary physical pleasure. Really, I get that. We've all been there. And I know you also haven't had the strongest role models around you, what with your father gone, your mom perpetually out of it, and your well-meaning, but oddball stepdad trying, but not quite connecting with you. It's not surprising you're a little confused. But believe me; what you have found in the way of a sex-life is not, let me repeat, NOT what it's all about. I think you know that, deep down. Remember when you were talking about your wish for a "Sex Alliance Against Society"? Actually, you were just barely starting to catch a glimpse of the right idea there. You're right - sex can be part of something bigger and better than random, clandestine, anonymous hook-ups. It can be part of a positive, mutually-supportive, mutually-beneficial, emotionally fulfilling relationship. It's clear from reading your book that you haven't figured this out yet, but I'm going to let you in on a little secret: Girls are people, too. I mean it. Actual human beings with feelings, thoughts, dreams, hopes, ideas, desires. So far, to you, they just seem like mysterious but appealing objects for your own gratification. But really, they're more like you than you realize. And in order to become a mature, decent human being, you're going to need to do something that is very challenging: You are going to need to learn to keep your pants zipped sometimes. Yes, even when willing females are offering you the opportunity to unzip them. Instead, I want you to think about the ethical, moral implications of what you're contemplating. Start by asking yourself some or all of the following questions: Is this girl drunk, high, or otherwise impaired in her judgment? (If so, keep pants zipped.) Does this girl seem mentally stable? (If not, I recommend keeping pants zipped.) Is this relationship something either you or she seem ashamed of? (If so, consider keeping pants zipped.) Are either you or she simultaneously involved in other romantic or sexual relationships? (Keep pants zipped.) Is your relationship with this girl based on anything at all besides the physical aspect? (If not, I suggest keeping your pants zipped.) Is this sexual relationship completely one-sided, in which only one of you ever seems to be experiencing any physical pleasure? (For now, keep pants zipped. When you're married, come back for part two of this discussion). You've made every one of these mistakes over the course of these past few months; you're not off to a great start. Oh, Tom, I'm not completely unsympathetic to your plight. I realize that you're largely a product of this mixed-up, hypersexualized, narcissistic, often immoral society. And your little corner of society over at Hillmont High seems more immoral than most. But I'm trying not to lose hope for the future of America after reading your depressing story. Hopefully, you (and the many teens and even adults with a similar mentality) will start to grow up and eventually get a clue or two. Sincerely,Joshua's mother
It all began with a band--or to be more accurate--an almost band. They hardly practice, can't sing or play instruments, and change their name and logo at least 10 times a week--sometimes even in the same day! This is height of the book for me, especially since the blurb on the back cover practically shouted that it had much to do with music. What the book also dealt with in enormity was Salinger's The Catcher in the Rye, which unfortunately I had not read. I don't know much about music, but I know even less about Catcher... so I didn't understand the relentless references made to Salinger's story--which I am assuming would have been funny had I understood.The story started out steady, but slowed to an almost unreadable pace, then picked up at the end. Be warned: the main character is a little on the unsociable side--not just in the story, but on the page as well. I had a hard time relating to the character (probably because I don't remember any of this stuff from high school). Nevertheless, there are perks. I thought the idea of the band was funny and the glossary of band names at the back of the book was smart. What kept me reading was the slight presence of a mystery concerning his father, but the story still failed to really catch my attention. The writing is rather wordy and too journal-like for my taste. Though I'm not usually a fan of episodic stories, another book similar in style is The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Perks is an epistolary novel that did catch my attention. Stylistically, the episodes are presented in a fashion that was more engaging than King Dork.YABC June 2008
What do You think about King Dork (2006)?
If you're looking for a "high school book" with more sarcasm than self-pity, this is it. Rather than being anti-Catcher, this is more anti-Perks of Being a Wallflower, another Salinger-inspired book. Perks and King Dork both have a lot going on in the "high school issues" department, but Chbosky seems to be for more sensitive readers than myself. If Chi-Mo and Charlie met, I think Chi-Mo would mock (or knock) him senseless. Portman's characters are believable and hilarious, and the author himself is clearly in tune with what it means to be a young person these days. It's a rare thing to find a YA author so on the level, while also hearkening back to Salinger, Greene, and the other authors Portman pays homage to in the story. It's not perfect, though. For one thing, I felt insulted by the author's depiction of high school-aged girls (intolerably cruel, but always read to give BJs). I might hesitate handing it to certain young men. In the writing itself, there's too much going on. The "mystery" of the book leaves something to be desired. It gets shunted to the background, and feels hastily wrapped up in the end. In fact, it could've been excised altogether, and the novel itself would still have charm. I'd encourage readers to plow through these parts though: the story itself is rewarding.
—Kristy
Last book of 2014 and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I admire it. Like, the craft of it and the structure and the atmosphere. It's ridiculously easy to read, even very engaging. And yet, disaffected protagonists, especially unreliable ones, and young ones, and male ones, have never really been my thing. I might bump this one up a star in a couple of days once I get some distance from it. Worth reading, though. Probably won't do a full review because I want to start 2015 with a clean slate, and also I'm tired and lazy, but I might pop back in with a couple of paragraphs. We'll see. HAPPY NEW YEAR, INTERNET PEOPLE.[3.5 stars]
—Ashley
i may be the only one, but i found this book alienating and insulting. hey young dork dudes, be inspired! start a band and you'll get more blowjobs from bitchy sluts! yay! young dork ladies: looking for an author that actually takes the time to write fleshed-out, multi-layered female characters that don't fall into one of three or four exhaustively exploited stereotypes? stay the fuck away.it's been a while since i threw a book down in disgust. Frank Portman (OMG, he used to be in a band!), you let me down.
—Amy
