The ambulance arrived within minutes of me calling, but in that short time Benjamin had swollen up like the Incredible Hulk and was having trouble breathing. I hurriedly buzzed in two paramedics, a man and a woman who were carrying big green medical boxes and pulling a stretcher. There was a film of rain on their fluorescent jackets. We went through to the living room where Benjamin was propped up on the sofa; he looked gruesome, like he was wearing a fat suit. They rushed over and began firing questions at me. What’s his name? What triggered the allergy? Was it a sex act with latex? Peanuts? ‘It was soya yoghurt,’ I blurted. ‘And we weren’t using it in a sex act… I pepper sprayed him…’ ‘So this is an intruder?’ asked the woman prising Benjamin’s puffy lips apart and shining a torch in his mouth. ‘You defended yourself with a soya yoghurt, then pepper spray?’ ‘No. He’s my boyfriend, we’ve been together for a year… He has a soya allergy… I pepper sprayed him, then tried to soothe it with soya yoghurt,’ I explained.
