Happy that she’s doing well enough to be released, and sad that I’m not going to have her to myself twenty four seven. In the last three of her seven day stretch in here, I found myself just listening to her. She was a funny kid; she was also sweet as fuck with a heart of gold. How that happened with a mother like Paula is a miracle but I’m glad it did. It’s as though her defenses were down and I was seeing a whole new side to her. I don’t think we’ve laughed as much as we did in that hospital bed, where I held her close even while we were awake. She’d forgiven me and I was learning to forgive myself. I’d taken to carrying her around everywhere, when she had to go for tests or she just wanted to walk around, the chair my dad had had provided for her would be left sitting in the corner of the room and I would carry her like a baby. The nurses all thought it was cute, I wasn’t trying to be cute, it was just the beginning of my taking care of the lamb. Her father came to take her home, but my old hellion raised her head and insisted that I was to do it, Captain who was still a little peeved at me just raised his hands up in surrender and stepped aside.
