Pirates Of The Retail Wasteland (2008) - Plot & Excerpts
If I were a city-eating slime, I would probably be more inclined to eat Anaheim, California, or Aspen, Colorado. Someplace touristy and clean. Or maybe I’d head to Little Italy in New York, which I assume would be delicious. I would certainly not start anywhere in Ohio. The night before we took over the Wackfords, The Slime That Ate Cleveland was on The Late Movie with Count Dave on WOTT, a station loved throughout the entire metro area for its tireless devotion to low-rent crap. On Friday nights, they have this guy called Count Dave who dresses up as a vampire and introduces old horror movies. Before the commercial breaks, he comes on and makes fun of the movie. My dad watches him religiously. The Slime That Ate Cleveland sucked. Really, really sucked. And not even in that “so bad it’s funny” way. The slime just looked like chocolate syrup, the dialogue was boring, and they tended to spend a very long time showing scientists doing experiments that never seemed to end in an explosion.
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