She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide To Pleasuring A Woman (2004) - Plot & Excerpts
Reviewed for THC ReviewsAs a woman, I know that I am not exactly the target audience for this book, but I decided to read it along with my husband. I thought this would be much better than guessing what the book was teaching men, and also open an effective line of communication on the subject. Even though I had read several positive reviews for the book prior to buying it, I was still very surprised by just how good it actually is. She Comes First is without question, the best non-fiction sex guide that I have read to date. It really hits the nail on the head when it comes to helping men understand a woman's body and what makes her tick, and the most amazing thing about that is it was written by a man.In my opinion, one of the things that make this book work so well is the author's holistic approach to the female mind and body. Mr. Kerner has such a good grasp, not only on a woman's anatomy, but also on how a woman thinks, that I almost felt like he was inside my head while reading the book. The author's genuine care and concern for women resonates loud and clear throughout the book, and he makes a great case for why the woman's pleasure should come first. Any man who can read Mr. Kerner's words and truly take them heart will, in my opinion, have no trouble creating a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship for both partners. The other thing that sets She Comes First above some other books is that it is a well-thought-out work, which never seems like a cheesy sex manual. I've seen a number of sex books which seem more like porn than realistically helpful instruction books. She Comes First keeps everything very simple and real. Mr. Kerner writes in a very down-to-earth style that is easy to relate to and understand. He does use a lot of literary analogies, which may not be everyone's cup of tea, but the information contained in them is still quite comprehensible even if the reader is not an English major. Also, while many sex books incorporate full-color photos (which is fine sometimes), She Comes First sticks with ordinary line drawings which keep the reader's focus on the substance of the text while enhancing the words with helpful illustrations. In addition, the chapters are very brief (generally only a few pages long), and several of the ones on technique include repetition in the form of quick reviews at the end of the chapter, making it perfect for the ofttimes shorter male attention span.My husband was certainly willing to read She Comes First, but since he already reads quite a bit about sex and relationships on the internet, I think that he was perhaps a little skeptical that he would learn anything new and more importantly, that it would actually work. Well, I can honestly say that both of us were pleasantly surprised by just how effective the techniques can be. If this book could teach my husband, a normally attentive lover, a few new tricks, I can only imagine what it might do for other men who aren't quite as skilled or considerate. Of course, that's with the caveat that they are open-minded enough to not think they already know it all. In fact, I even learned a few things about my own body of which I wasn't previously aware: Who knew that the clitoris wasn't just the “love button,” but an entire network of eighteen different parts, all of which contribute to experiencing sexual pleasure? I sure didn't.She Comes First is first and foremost an instruction manual for cunnilingus, as well as an argument for why this is the most effective way to pleasure a woman. Still, there are also chapters on incorporating manual stimulation (a very important complement to cunnilingus), transitioning to intercourse and practical information on safe sex, in addition to parts that touch very briefly on things such as toys, light bondage, and sexual concerns such as premature ejaculation. The first half of the book is primarily about female anatomy, while the second covers step-by-step techniques. I would warn any man who might be tempted to skip the first section to get to the “good stuff”, thinking that they already know these things, to think again. A woman's body is much more complex than it may seem at first glance, as I demonstrated with my earlier comment about the clitoris. If there are things that I didn't even know before reading this book, then it's pretty unlikely that men would either, and truly understanding the female body and all of its inner workings is key to being able to effectively pleasure it.Overall, She Comes First is a book that I would highly recommend to both men and women. Any man who wants to have a happy, healthy sex life and truly know what a woman wants should definitely be reading this book. Women should also do themselves a favor by encouraging their lover to read it, or at the very least, leave it lying around where it can be easily found. She Comes First has definitely earned a permanent spot on my bedroom shelf, and I am eagerly looking forward to reading the companion book, Passionista (the retitled release of He Comes Next). Ian Kerner is also a regular contributor to several magazines and newspapers as well as making appearances on various television programs such as The Today Show. Now that I know his philosophies definitely match my own, I'll certainly be looking up his articles and interviews as well. All I can say it that if Mr. Kerner makes a habit of practicing what he preaches at home, his wife is one lucky lady.;-)
I decided to read this because I'm pretty clueness about most things related to women. I come from a family background that is religious and that taught abstinence above all. I also intended to be a single man for a long time and didn't bother learning about any of this. When I tell you that parents pulled their children from sex education classes in my part of the States and claimed that the world is 6,000 years old, you will have some idea of the environment in which I lived growing up. My parents were not this extreme, thankfully, but I found them to unwilling to discuss anything related to sex. It just wasn't going to happen. So I've been trying to read more books about the subject since I got married.The only really great sex book I've read is "The Guide to Getting It On." I think that's because that one feels more like a reference book you can open to a subject that interests you. There's no imperative feeling that you have to read it cover to cover. Reading this one cover to cover, I think it's much too long for its content. It really should have been an article. The author's tone is irritating at times. I could've lived without all of the literary references. Points are made multiple times. It isn't all bad though -- for beginners like me it has some useful information about the clitoris and a few suggested techniques that I might try out later. We'll see how that goes. Anyhow, I wouldn't recommend it to you if you have more experience, but I can see the value of this book if you are new to the subject like I am and just don't know where to begin.
What do You think about She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide To Pleasuring A Woman (2004)?
WOW! For a book written by a man about the art of making a woman cum I am FLOORED! It was very good and parts of it VERY FUNNY!!!Half way through the book it become and How To book... with pictures and everything...wow...guys if that doesn't help you I don't know what well..I was given this book tonight by my girlfriends father, he wanted me to take a look at it..I read it in about 2 hours never putting it down. I thought it was funny and well written. Good job! Reading this as a woman should really say something for the book. hahaI will share a few of the parts I found funny."Like Christopher Columbus sallying forth into the unknown, your exploration of the clitoral network will lead to the discovery of a whole new world. But knowing a little geography goes a long way. The earth isn't flat; nor is the clitoris a love button. Know your maps, and know that every voyage is unique.""When describing sex in the proverbial locker room, men tend to employ the language of penetration-adjectives like "hard" and "deep". We can go in, we extricate: "I fucked the ___our of her" --as though pleasure was something buried deep inside her womb, a nugget to be rammed, jostled, and liberated with this powerful male tool""genital penetration as the be-all, end-all of heterosexual relationships. Where would the "third date" be with out it?"Those her just a few funny ones!!
—Ariel Metzmeier
Наръчник по орален секс, който може да се събере в 20 страници, но е 200.Сериозно, първата половина от книгата можете да я отпорите и изхвърлите, защото се състои главно от отчаяните опити на автора да ни убеди, че няма такива неща като г-точка, а-точка и т.н. ами всичко е клитор с вътрешни и външни разклонения, обхванал (поне с такова впечатление оставам от описанието) женската сексуална анатомия като октопод с пипала, плъзнали навсякъде.Втората част е практическа и в нея има разумни съвети, които обаче са разводнени от изключително дразнещите (за мен) отклонения на автора в опитите му да се прави на интересен и да вкарва метафори във всичко. Движенията на езика били като римите на Шекспир, половин странично описание на Мохамед Али защото според автора то има голяма и силна връзка с позицията на главата ти при орален секс и т.н. Пише, че авторът е доктор (PhD) и по стила му подозирам че е доктор по литература.А да, също така според него не само няма г-точка ами и жеската еякулация не съществува и "излизала малко количество течност понякога". Да ти пратя снимки на мокри чаршафи баце...
—Петър Стойков
Obviously I’m not in the target audience for this title, but I was curious anyway. Besides, a woman can’t get what she wants if she doesn’t know what to ask for.The text is surprisingly entertaining for a self-helper, and the author keeps things light with a lot of creative euphemism (“lunch at the Y”) and deliberately over-the-top, tongue-in-cheek hyperbole (“Once her orgasm was but a distant and faraway destination in your journey down the road of arousal. Now the contours of her skyline are plainly in view, the throbbing pulse of Main Street tangible. You’ve just entered the city limits. Welcome to Orgasmopolis!”).What I especially love about this book more than anything else is how the sex researcher who wrote it was once an English major. To this day, he’s still totally enamored of Strunk and White’s Elements of Style and directly modelled and structured She Comes First after that manual. Not only that, but he consistently throughout the book uses grammar rules as metaphors during his cunnilingus instructions. I wish to God I’d already read this before I had to take Magazine Editing in college with the Dreaded Prof. Ranly; some immature sniggering behind my hand might’ve made that torture go by a little faster.
—Holly
