Hell, yes, you would—if you were playing bull poker. That’s because in bull poker, the winner isn’t decided by what kind of cards you have in your hand but what kind of grapes you have in your sack. In bull poker, four guys sit at a card table in the middle of a rodeo ring. A rank, 2,000-pound bull is released. When he and his horns charge the table, the last guy to leave his chair wins the pot. Like to see you bluff that. When I heard about it, I knew two things: (1) I had to see this, and (2) I do not have those kinds of grapes. I don’t care how much is in the pot, when that bull comes rip-snorting toward our Texas Hold ’Em, I’m off like a prom dress. But then again, I’m not in Angola State Prison (Angola, Louisiana), which is one of the few places you can see bull poker these days, and I’m not doing a life sentence, which 85 percent of the fellas there are doing. So we humped our butts across the country to go to jail. Two hours northwest of Baton Rouge, Angola is surrounded by alligators and bears and twenty-five miles of woods and rednecks on all sides.
