The Countertenor Wore Garlic (The Liturgical Mysteries) - Plot & Excerpts
"Are you a wirgin?""I think so," gulluped Tessie. "What's a wirgin?""Never mind that," said Pedro, with a stern yet resolute nod. "Lapke here tells me that the Amish Vampires are onto the Doctrine of Transubstantiation. Once they discovered that little gem, they started converting to Catholicism so fast that the Pope couldn't cook the wafers fast enough.""What about the crosses?" I asked. "And the holy water? Aren't vampires allergic or something?""It's a problem," admitted Lapke, sipping his Bloody Mary. "That's why they're after the Methodists. A cross with a flame in the middle doesn't seem to affect them. And there's no holy water to worry about."Pedro nodded gravely and solemnly, somehow retaining the air of sternness and resolutivation of his previous nod. "If they can get the Methodist bishops to approve the Doctrine of Transubstantiation at the next annual conference, the Vampire Amish will move to Methodism like Angelina Jolie into a Pillow-Lips franchise.""Not to mention that Methodists have been garlic-free since 1998," I said.
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