The Housewife Assassin's Relationship Survival Guide - Plot & Excerpts
Whereas he’s sullen and anxious, you’re tickled pink, because it’s proof that you’ve reached yet another major milestone in your relationship! So that you’re just as big a hit with them as you know they’ll be with you, follow these very important courtesies: Courtesy #1: Always come armed with a compliment! In fact, always come armed. A semi-automatic will do! With the right purse, it makes an elegant fashion statement. Courtesy #2: No matter how thick it is, do not stare at his mother’s mustache. Courtesy #3: Should his father cop a feel, resist the urge to break his fingers. Remember, the bones of dirty old men over sixty are more brittle than the bones of your usual maulers, creeps under thirty. Courtesy #4: Should his mother call you a “whore and a gold digger,” pretend you didn’t hear her. In fact, that is the ideal time to compliment her on her blouse, despite the fact that it is the size of a circus tent. Courtesy #5: When your boyfriend asks, “So, what did you think of the old farts?”
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