I was going to let Mom down. There was no doubt about it. I was sure I’d already done so. So much shit was going on and I had nobody to tell. I couldn’t tell Javon. He would flip his shit. I knew he would. Von didn’t put up with foolish shit and if he found out half the crap I had been doing, he would put his foot in my ass. I plopped down on my bed and sighed. Shit, man. I knew secrets that were weighing on my heart. Secrets about Inez and Cory. Secrets about Melissa. Secrets about the day Mom got killed. My heart was so heavy it ached. “God, help me,” I said aloud. “What am I supposed to do with all this shit?” Not everything was as perfect as Mom thought it was with her kids. The only perfect kids she had were probably Javon and Shanelle. They were actually what Mom had envisioned them to be. All the rest of us were faking it to make it. I was sick of Naveen cutting his eyes at me and looking at me like he always wanted to fight me, too. I didn’t know what I did to him besides the fact he blamed me for Mom being killed.
