It felt as if I was awaiting the results for some life threatening disease, the next few minutes would change my life forever, yes I was already a father, but only in name. Being a father was something I knew nothing of. I’d had no role models growing up, no one to look up to or admire, no one from whom I could take reference so that I could be what Tristan needed. I ran my hands through my hair again and looked over at Lulu, busy preparing lunch. She flashed me a reassuring smile. We had talked at length last night, with me explaining my concerns that I may fail, that he may not like me. She’d told me that children were more giving of love and affection than adults, at this age they had not yet learned to discriminate, to understand the complexities of the human race. She’d told me that all I had to offer was my time, support, protection, love and affection, that any child that received these things would form a close bond with the provider. These were things I could offer, I was certain of it.
