Here inappropriate shame and guilt stir up deep anger and aggression. GARETH TUCKWELL AND DAVID FLAGG A Question of Healing I I flushed the lavatory, stumbled next door to the bathroom and locked myself in. Turning on the taps I waited for the bath to fill. My brain had seized up again by this time. I was in shock. Scrambling clumsily into the bath I began to scrub and scrub and scrub. After a while Nicky knocked on the door. The noise startled me so much that I almost passed out. As I gripped the side of the bath and listened to my banging heart I heard him call: “Are you okay?” “Yes, fine—I’ll be out in a minute.” My voice sounded casual, almost languid. He went away. I remained motionless for a further minute, but I was in control of myself again now after that nightmare scene when far more than my will had been twisted and violated, and at last my instinct for survival triggered some rapid rational thoughts. My first decision was that I should avoid a further conversation with Nicky about the future because as he was irrational on the subject, any attempt to discuss a divorce would be futile.
