I found this book after we lost our baby, finding out at our 19-week gender scan that the baby had been gone for five weeks. In a desperate attempt to make sense of my own loss, to connect in some way with the sorority of heartache that us "loss moms" belong to, I grabbed up this book and subsequently devoured it. I was spellbound by it's words and by Forman's raw prose and painful journey. The transformation that takes place in her is one I hope I see occur in my own heart someday. After going into labor with twins (a boy and a girl) at 23 weeks, Vicki Forman begs the doctors to just let her babies go, knowing the formidable obstacles they'll have to face just to survive. The doctors encourage her not to sign a DNR and in the aftermath of her severely premature delivery, her daughter dies after four days; her son survives. The story that follows is a dual tale of grieving the loss of her daughter and clinging to the hope that her son will pull through somewhat unscathed. Unfortunately, his survival is fraught with the medical issues that often plague severely premature babies. There were so many times while reading this book that I wanted to put the book down, the sadness that pervaded the beginning of the story too palpable. But you can't help yourself, Forman pulls you in and doesn't let you go. My soul was in such turmoil when I read this book, and in so many ways, it still is. I felt comforted by her words and her feelings, by every detail of her brokenness. In the end, Forman finds peace and I think I did, too. Through her sorrow and eventual reawakening, I found my own road to solace. I recommend this book to anyone that has suffered the loss of a baby or child, and anyone that wants to glimpse the truths that can only come from losing a child. Well written and honest, but went downhill after an incredibly powerful start discussing NICU care for extremely premature babies. The things that bothered me most were her tendency to conflate personality with medical ability and that her husband felt so peripheral to the family--she spent so much time talking about "I" but rarely "we" that it felt like she believed she was the more important parent. Learning more about how this challenged her relationship with her husband and daughter would have given this book some additional complexity.
What do You think about This Lovely Life (2009)?
Powerful. Gives you a lot to ponder even if you don't agree with her initial viewpoint.
—email0001
An important story on many levels...a compelling and heart-wrenching read.
—ishall
Wow. Quite an emotional roller coaster. Well-written heartbreak.
—davidwilkins
It's a bad idea to read this book in your 2nd trimester.
—von
