There are things I’m leaving out. Important things. I don’t know why I’m leaving them out. Lately, I’ve been confused. It’s hard to know where to edit your own life. Which parts to leave. Which parts to erase. Movies top out at two hours before the audience starts tuning out. True fact. I will tell you some things I’ve cut: Feral is not dead. Tanis and I fucked on the night we met. Re-met. In the car. Afterward, I felt like I’d been turned inside out. It wasn’t Tanis’s fault. She said, “I don’t do that.” She cried. And she probably doesn’t. As a rule anyway. I changed her. I told her it was okay, that I didn’t think less of her, but secretly I was happy that she was a slut, because then I could feel that she wasn’t quite good enough for me. Mom calls me every night and I refuse to take the call. Dad talks to her. For about an hour after he’s done on the phone, he’s smiling. The smile kills me. I talk to Chelsea on Sunday nights at ten, which is past her bedtime.
