Mum had a slight panic at around 11:30 when it suddenly occurred to her that Han might be vegetarian. I said, ‘Mum, Han’s a Goth! She eats raw budgies for tea.’ I noticed the colour drain from Great Aunt May’s face until I told her I was joking, and that, no, Han wasn’t a vegetarian and that she would be happy to eat whatever Mum put in front of her. Mum looked relieved, but I noticed that her Open Yourself Up to Vegetables cookery book had been left open on the nut roast page. I was relieved too; God only knows what a nut roast would have done to Great Aunt May’s bowels. Anyway, Han turned up around 12:30 with a bunch of flowers each for Mum and Great Aunt May and proceeded to charm the pants off Great Aunt May, who now thinks she’s the best thing since sliced bread!! I asked Han after lunch about her dad being religious and all, ’cos it had been worrying me all night. She snorted and said, ‘My dad? Religious? You gotta be kidding! He only teaches the stuff, he doesn’t believe any of it.’ So I asked, ‘Doesn’t that make him some sort of hypocrite?’ to which she replied, ‘Do you think old Mr.
