She was early this time, the result of the joke Pete had made about lateness giving him the upper hand, Brenda didn’t relinquish the upper hand quite so easily these days. She bought a large glass of white wine and sat in a quiet corner with a high wooden panel on one side. It felt private, which was good. If they were going to have a difficult conversation she didn’t want to feel self-conscious. Pete arrived and she watched him looking around for her. She felt nervous, although she couldn’t honestly say she knew what she wanted tonight. Apart from sex. She definitely wanted that, but not at any cost. But it was more than that. She had missed him, but she couldn’t detangle the reasons why. Did he simply provide comfort when she was feeling lonely? Or was there more to it than that? She hadn’t really allowed either of them the time to find out because she always fitted him between other things. Pete saw her, smiled in an attempt to look relaxed, and came over. ‘Oh, you’ve got a drink.’ ‘Yes, I thought I’d start early with the lady petrol so I can achieve total irrationality by last orders.’ Pete laughed but this remark certainly didn’t quell his anxiety and Brenda kicked herself inside for saying it – it wasn’t a helpful way to begin.
