'Everybody alive in there?' he asked, grinning like a shark amongst a school of plankton. An elderly lady stared back at him, obviously annoyed at the captain's severe lack of respect. Maggie Cox, silver-haired potty-mouth, said, 'Captain, what the fuck! You would have had the shock of your life had my tits been swinging about the place.' Victor smiled. 'Lady, it's freezing. If you had your tits out I would have been very surprised, indeed.' 'You just go on and get the fuck out of here,' Maggie said, her eyes darting around the tent in search of something. She found what she was looking for – a packet of cigarettes – and lit one up, blowing a plume of blue smoke towards Victor and filling the tent in less than a second flat. 'I'm sure you got others to be perving on.' Victor coughed as the smoke hit his face. 'Just checking you hadn't expired during the night,' he said, as if she had every right to just lie down and die. 'Wouldn't that have been fucking something?' Maggie spat, drawing on her cigarette.
