As I sat in my bed, I thought back to the day that I had begun that next chapter in my life ~ sobriety. The night I had checked myself in, I was shown around the facility and then taken to the room that would be my only personal space for the foreseeable future. My room was small and simple, just enough room for a single bed, a small dresser, and a desk. Everything was white- the furniture, the linens, everything. The place was much nicer than I had originally expected, but it was still a rehab facility ~ still a place where a bunch of people who were fucked in the head were all corralled into one enclosed space. The following day, which was my first full day there, I was taken to meet my assigned therapist first thing in the morning. As I sat in the chair waiting for the poor soul who had to try and figure out how to control my demons, I found that I was more nervous than I thought I would be. Knowing that you are about to be judged on all of the awful decisions that you’ve made is quite unsettling; I didn’t want to be thought of as a bad person.
