For Women Only: What You Need To Know About The Inner Lives Of Men (2013) - Plot & Excerpts
When I got married I wanted so much to be a godly and great wife to my hubby! What I didn’t realize was that sometimes my female brain with its ways of thinking and showing my love to him and his male brain and the way it is wired meant that sometimes there were things that I was doing, or not doing, that were causing problems I didn’t even realize were there!Thankfully through several different women giving me books and recommending blogs I caught on early on into our marriage (probably 2 1/2 years) that there were several areas that needed work! I am so thankful that I was able to be enlightened to these things early on–and wish I had known sooner!!!! So now for every bridal shower that I attend my gift is three books: For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn; A Good Girls Guide to Great Sex by Shelia Wray Gregoire; and Created to Be His Helpmeet. I include a letter with the books explaining why and how each has shaped and changed my marriage for the better.I first read For Women Only a few years after it was released in . A friend had actually given my Mom a copy and I read through it during one of my trips back home as we were talking about marriage and marriage books. There were so many “light bulb” moments I had from it! I went back home (I was on the trip home by myself) and after a few days my hubby remarked “I guess I should send you back home alone more often, you always come back more awesome than ever–what on earth is going on??!!” (it happens that a previous trip back home was when I was first introduced to Created To Be His Helpmeet as well–both me and my hubby are super thankful to the ladies back home, haha).So when I saw that For Women Only, Revised and Updated Edition: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men was coming out I couldn’t wait to get a copy of it! As I re-read it I was struck again by many of the things that made me have “lightbulbs” the first time, and had other things make me go, “Oh!” that didn’t the first time-as with every marriage your husbands needs and your situation in life are constantly changing.I loved the all-new chapter “The Thinker” One thing that has always baffled me to no end–and frustrated my husband to no end–is when we get into an in-depth discussion, especially when we have a difference of opinion, and I thoroughly and (in my mind) efficiently put forth my case and he just sits there and says nothing and when I really press him he says something along the lines of “I can’t explain it right now but that’s not what I think should/want to happen.” This chapter made several light bulbs go off as to this whole dynamic and why it does *not* work–and what I can begin to do instead!One chapter that really made a huge difference the first time I read this book was the one on the importance of staying fit/taking care of the way you look. After we first got married I (unknowingly) put on about 30 pounds (if you’ve followed my slim and trim quest you already know about this). I read this book right around the time that I had realized that I had gone up so much in weight and it really smacked me at how unhappy Bob probably was about it but, like all good hubbies, he had never said a word! Sure enough now that I’m actively working out and trying my best to take care of the way I look, even post-two kids, he’s (very gingerly, when I brought it up) mentioned how hard that was on him!This book really is everything your husband wishes you knew about him–but would die before telling you himself, or simply doesn’t “get” that you don’t “get”! As I said–this is one of only three books I’d call absolutely MUST HAVE marriage books! It’s a short, easy read but wow, what an amazing little book it is!
Adult (due to themes)For Women Only is for women only for a reason - because everything it contains, guys already know inside and out. This is a book on the psychology of men, born from the research Shaunti set out to conduct for one of her fiction novels. Backed up by professional surveys and statistical data, this books presents How Guys Think 101 written especially for women.First ImpressionsWow. When I walked into the bookstore, I had absolutely zero intention of walking out with yet-another-book-on-relationships. But something about the cover of this one grabbed me, so I grabbed it - and flicking through the pages, I was immediately intrigued both by the author's clear, chatty voice, and the sheer wow-factor of the information she presents.High PointsEr, everything? The book is broken down into six sections, touching on what Shaunti felt were the six most important attitudes and beliefs men have that women don't usually understand. It's a light, quick read in a chatty and informal style, but backed by rigourous statistical data at the same time. Shaunti provides contrasts and comparisons between male and female ways of thinking and approaching things that make it dead easy to comprehend.Low PointsThis is not a personal low point for me, but this is a Christian book. If you're not an easily-offended non-Christian, it should be fine: there's no theology, or prescriptive directives, or anything like that. Just the occasional mention, and an awareness that the writer herself is coming from a Christian point of view.This is definitely a five-star book. Out of all the relationship books I've ever read - a lot, since my dad is big on them ;) - this is one of the top four.UsefulnessIn my reviews, non-fiction books get an extra rating - how useful they are to those of use writing fiction. This book gets a high usefulness rating - maybe 9 out of 10. Sure, I adore this book because of how much it resonates with me, but it is also the best resource I have so far come across to help women writers who struggle to get into the head of a male character. As an utter perfectionist, I would love to be able to write my characters so that readers couldn't tell whether I was male or female because both male and female characters were so real, so true, so convincing... And I believe this book is going to make a serious dent in the Things I Need To Learn in order to be able to write like that.
What do You think about For Women Only: What You Need To Know About The Inner Lives Of Men (2013)?
I just randomly picked this book up at the library and didn't expect anything too spectacular. I actually thought it was a pretty good little book, though. It's all about men and what they think but won't tell you. For example, "I do love my wife and think she's great, but I would be so much happier if she lost 60 lbs and wore makeup again. I know we don't have enough money to buy gas or shoes, but I will happily spend $2000 on a personal trainer to get her in shape and I get depressed every time I see her eating a donut." You imagine a guy might be thinking this, but you never really know because they would feel like jerks to say it out loud. This is a book full of things guys think but are way too scared to vocalize. Like how much they think about naked women. Or how much they need to feel respected. That kind of stuff. Nothing ground breaking, but it was a fun read. It reminded me that I didn't have to apologize to my husband when I buy a new pair of $130 running shoes several times a year. :-)
—Abby
I picked this one up from the Valentine's display at the library and read it in a couple of hours on a Saturday afternoon. I like to read a marriage book once a year and this was a good one. It is a straightforward analysis of how men think and feel. I like the statistical, survey approach. I like the Christian perspective. Some of the writer's analogies and comparisons were helpful and memorable. This quick read is a good reminder about men's yearning for respect, their performance anxiety, the intensity of their pressure to provide, their view of romance, how sex affects their well-being, and many more topics. It goes beyond "man are visual" to explain exactly how this tendency operates in their lives. It goes beyond "men see romance differently" to explain what is romantic to a man. This book helped me understand my sons as well as my husband better.
—Tryn
I got this book for my wedding almost two years ago (and Adam the "male" counterpart), and I'm only just now reading it. I feel like since we've been out of college and in the "real" world, our stresses and experiences and situations have a been a bit more "real" and "typical" marriage ones. So I thought I would pull this book down and see how the "experts" handle men. Turns out, the experts were men - real men surveyed and interviewed by this woman - who is not a psychologist or relationship counselor, but a newspaper columnist. Also turns out, she is writing from a Christian viewpoint, so it's not a worldly approach to marriage, either.I enjoyed the read - if only for pleasant, non-confrontational reminders of how I should be treating my husband - simply because he is not just Adam, he is a man and his mind ticks in certain ways. That being said, I felt a lot of it was just that - Reminders of things I already knew. I didn't learn too much new or astounding information - but I can see why some women would. Some women probably need this book more than others, and you won't know if you're one of them until you read it. It's worth the effort, at least
—Meghan
