Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing like it. No better drug. No adventure more fantastic. But it changes things. It changes you. I got West back that November and fell in love with him all over again. It was like that Gravitron carnival ride where you stand against a wall and they spin you and spin you until the floor drops away and you’re stuck there by centrifugal force. I never could stop myself from laughing on that ride. I’d try so hard to peel my hand off the side, lift my arm, wave at my sisters across the way. My oldest sister, Janelle, always tried fancy stuff, walking her feet up, posing kind of silly. Alison would be white-faced, scared. I would laugh until my cheeks hurt, slain by the hilarity of my own helplessness. It snowed early and often that winter, and West and I laughed so much. Talked so much. Fucked all the time, everywhere, completely helpless against the urge to put our hands on each other. School. Sleep. Food. Sex. West. I didn’t have the strength for anything else.
