I’m crying about everything. About Derrick, about Beckett, about myself. About this dumb wasted trip that I spent so much time looking forward to. About how stupid I was to listen to anything Beckett had to say, about how wrong I could be about my feelings. I was going to have sex with Derrick! I was going to lose my virginity to a guy I ended up breaking up with. How could I have been so wrong? And if I was so wrong, then how can I trust myself when it comes to anything else in my life? Was my email right? Do I really need to learn how to trust people, including myself? Was Beckett right about me? Do I only look at things in black and white? I think back on my relationship with Derrick, wondering if there were any signs that I missed. Of course, when we first met, I kind of thought that maybe he wasn’t smart enough for me. Okay, that’s not true. He was smart. He is smart. He gets good grades and he studies and he’s responsible. It was more like . . . we didn’t vibe intellectually.
