But she could visit Tony when she liked, and he could rely on her to contact the boy’s father as soon as possible, couldn’t he, he wanted to know.To which Sarah said, “Of course,” and “Yes,” and “No,” and “Thank you,” in all the right places, the whole exchange a matter-of-fact sanity to set against the foolish dreams she had indulged since his meaningless kiss overnight.For with her inner response to it she had had her answer to her own question, What does he mean to me? Then she had known; known why she craved his good opinion; understood his challenge to her spirit; known why her heart ached with jealousy of Jurice Grey. She loved the man with a love which owed nothing to the kindliness or pity or habit against which he had warned her, but still had come too late for the wrong man.The realization shook her to her core, her one grain of comfort the knowledge that not by word or gesture had she betrayed herself to him. At least her dreary little secret was her own and that, she resolved with a defiant pride, was how it must stay until she too learned to forget the pain of it now.When she went to see Tony he was still drowsy from the effects of the anaesthetic and she doubted if she had made him understand when she promised him ‘Daddy’ would be coming back very soon.
