He was trying to touch me there, to kiss me. I knew my arms were fending him off, I didn’t want to, it was just so difficult. If we were going to do this, I told myself, I’d have to trust him, to let him in. I made myself lift up my arms, right over my head, so my hands were resting on the hay behind me. It was a willful act — I was laying myself open to him. He responded eagerly, kissing, nibbling, and sucking. It was wonderful. And shocking. It was too new and too weird, and I found myself stepping away in my mind. I became an observer, and the absurdity of us naked in a smelly barn, the bizarre sensations all over my skin, inside me, the tension of it all, forced stuttering laughter out of my mouth. Spider stopped what he was doing and looked up at me. His face was deadly serious — I’d never seen him so serious. “You’re laughing.” “No.” But I couldn’t hold down my nervous giggles. “Did I do something wrong?” “No, ’course not. It’s just…I’m just…not used to it.
