The Booby Trap And Other Bits And Boobs (2014) - Plot & Excerpts
At least someone else had been at it – but tissues! What difference would tissues make? Me? I had a pair of socks. In each cup. Oh, it was terrible to be a flat-chested teenager! Every teenage girl thinks their chest is too small (except for those few who fear theirs is too big) but mine really was non-existent. I looked like Iggy Pop. (See the cover of Nude and Rude.) At fourteen I was full of yearning and longing and I was desperate for boys to fancy me. Breasts are very very powerful creatures, perhaps the most powerful things in the universe, and I had none. Also I felt my bum and thighs were way too big (they weren’t) and I needed a proper chest to balance them out. I was all wrong. Magazines urged me to do the pencil test – if you can hold a pencil between your breast and your ribcage, then it’s time for a bra. I’d no idea what they meant. My boobs were like bee-stings. All the same, I found a pencil and gave it a go and watched the pencil fall to the floor.
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