My brother and I had grown up in the violent backstreets of Colombia. Our drug-addicted mother’s violent boyfriends assured that we would rather sleep in the streets than return home in the evenings. We literally grew up stealing to eat and fighting for our lives.
We were all each other had and still are to this day. When I lost him, it crushed me. Roxanne is causing a lot of memories to resurface that I have kept buried. Things I thought I had buried deep enough to never bother me again are suddenly plaguing my mind.
Roxanne is causing an emotion in me that I can’t remember feeling since I was a child: fear. It’s ridiculous. I can handle things like violence and bloodshed without batting an eye. Only one thing causes me to feel true fear and that is the threat of abandonment.
I am afraid of losing her and the thought makes me violent. It is all that I can do to restrain the vicious beast lodged within me. I don’t want to physically hurt her.
