At least I managed to get through THREE WHOLE DAYS without proving myself to be an ASS OF TITANIC PROPORTIONS. Strange that only yesterday I was a happy schoolboy without a care in the world, except for the fact that I was a bit too fat and had to sit next to someone who smelled of meat, and that I lived with two psychologically disturbed sisters and a dad who spent all his time in the toilet and a mum who was screwed up in at least eight different ways. It all began with my banana. And now I’m thinking that perhaps all bad things begin with a banana. In fact, I reckon it wasn’t an apple that Eve gave to Adam in the Garden of Eden, but a banana. And then there was … well, OK, I can’t think of any other bad things that began with a banana. But today I realized that bananas are just slyly lulling you into a false sense of security by being quite nice to eat and draw on. Anyway, at breakfast this morning I was in the kitchen. I was having the normal breakfast conversation with Mum.
