Jesse never showed up last night. Kerri did. I told her everything and then she fell asleep in my bed. She didn’t want to leave me alone, and I supposed that was nice, but even with her here, I felt like I was the only soul left on the entire spinning planet. I’m such an idiot. With Jesse gone and me feeling like maybe he wasn’t coming back, I was realizing that I was scared of a ‘maybe.’ I had let the chance of a possibility ruin the perfection of what was real. And now I was starting to wonder if that wasn’t what was in my genes. If I really thought about what my childhood was like growing up, my mom did the exact same thing. She held us back on a maybe. When she could have created a somewhat normal life for us—like she had now—she held out for a ‘maybe.’ Granted, hers wasn’t quite the same because hers was the maybe of a happily ever after with her husband; but still, instead of just living what we had and enjoying the now, she had let the future cloud our present.
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