The Nanny Piggins Guide To Conquering Christmas (2013) - Plot & Excerpts
‘Right, pass me the nail gun,’ instructed Nanny Piggins. ‘You know Santa Claus is not a bad person,’ said Michael, handing it to her. ‘I know that,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!’ went the nail gun. ‘No-one likes getting presents from strangers more than me,’ continued Nanny Piggins, ‘but that doesn’t mean that breaking and entering is all right. If he wants to give us gifts he should knock on the door, come in and have a slice of cake like a normal person.’ The children looked at each other. Their nanny was not accustomed to the finer points of Christmas. Because, you see, she had lived most of her life in the circus, and the Ringmaster never let them celebrate the yuletide holiday. In fact, he never let them celebrate any holiday. He even discouraged them from knowing the day of the week. Anything that allowed them to measure time, and realise how long they had been working for him, was strictly forbidden. ‘It amazes me that one overweight man, wearing a bright red fur-trimmed suit no less, manages to go on a worldwide crime spree on the same night every year and nobody has ever done anything about it!’ said Nanny Piggins.
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