Burt’s Bees and Newman’s Own are just two examples of how white people like to believe that they are buying their beauty products and salad dressing from a real person and not a corporation. Of course, in many cases they actually are buying these products from a big corporation, but it’s best not to point that out. It could ruin their enjoyment of an eighteen-dollar shampoo. But of all the names that are popular with white people, nobody seems to make a better product than a man named Tom. The first popular white Tom is the man behind Tom’s of Maine, a company that produces a full line of all-natural products that don’t work. If you’re ever stuck behind a white person on a humid day and the body odor is overwhelming, don’t think the white person is a victim of poor grooming. Well, unless they have dreadlocks—then, yes, they are guilty of poor grooming. But more likely they have just made the false assumption that an all-natural deodorant and antiperspirant will work.
